History and the thing about repeating it...

It really hasn't been that long.. Since I have spoken to you, dear reader, about the piece of ass actor, Mr Ralph Fiennes. But I can't help it!! I have been unfairly influenced. I am only SO strong, dear reader.. I happened upon my copy of the English Patient, and HAD to watch it.... I was trying desperately to catch my breath when he was in the desert.. and the sun lit up his awesome bod.. It pained me that a man could be so damn hot.. PAINED ME. I mean he promised that he would return for her and he did.. He came back for her..

Mental note: renew tanning salon subscription. Ralph might be more hot for me if I didn't have the whole albino skin thing going.

Back to the weekend... (la fin de semaine de merde)

Gran and Shan shopping for baby stuff before Jill was born

So, I ended up taking the entire week off work.. With granny in the hospital, I could not handle being at work.. Many of my "peers" seem to find stupid things important.. and it is difficult being in the room where yet another mindless discussion about American Idol is taking place..
The night granny got out of surgery, she was REALLY out of it.. I honestly believe she was mildly possessed by her nemesis "evil granny" (similar to evil baby when Shannon went out.. and I was alone with Jill.. But that is for another day..) She was in such pain.. she couldn't see anything BUT the pain.. I was glad to see she came through.. but seeing her like this was hard.. The next couple of days, she was in ICU.. and she continued to be in pain.... They had her in a morphine comma.. and she was barely awake.. Today, I finally saw Granny.. I mean, I have been there every day.. but she wasn't.. It is really scary to be without her.. and I do not look forward AT all to that day.. But, she is back.. She is terribly depressed because she has been in the hospital for a very long time.. But she was happy to see the Oscar's tonight.. Simple thing .. Made her happy. Keep praying.

merde!

pardonner mon français

Call me Paris. Ms Frenchie if your NASTY!

Why are all curse words considered French? Are the French just naturally bad? I ask this, because I wanted to start this post off with.. Pardon my French, but this weekend was shitty... and then I got to thinking, as I often do, about the whole idea about pardoning my French.. I only know 2 or 3 words.. (and 1 hot phrase ...vous le vous couche avec mois sei soi) and one of them isn't shit.. so, rather then expound on my shitty weekend, I went on a search and a journey..to increase my French vocabulary.. I want to know how to say shit in French, so when I say it.. I can honestly ask you to pardon my French.. How chic of me! hmm.. I will be back shortly with my findings...

In case there was any question...

Here, dear reader.. This fine Sunday, I popped my head out the back door to find this...


My MIL dancing with my pooch..

Yes, that is a Home Depot bag on her head..

How can I possibly compete with such womanlyness? I mean I don't even own a moo-moo...

Coming in at a strong 7..

When it comes to appreciating the beauty of the opposite sex, I tend to go overboard. I must admit, though... that my taste is ever expanding .. I blame my lady hormones that are coursing through my body.. I mean didn't someone say that chicks peak at like 35?? I am almost their baby!!!!
Anyways, for our new readers, let me briefly say .. I have a list of fellas that if given the opportunity, Vic has to look the other way.. The most recent addition to my list, Mr Tucker Carlson! He has this news show on MSNBC.. The Situation.. I like it.. I like his two cents.. I like his bow tie.. I like his devilish grin...I like the fact that he wears penny loafers and no socks ...and his pants creep up his leg like a flood might be just over the horizon... (sigh)

I also like this chick he has on from Air America.. She is a HOT lesbian.. and if I was so inclined, I would do her.. (heavy sigh).. I wonder if chicks count toward the list, or are they freebies??

Mental note: ask Vic.

Bon Jour-no Dear Reader

Dr Candy Pants

This week has been a tough week!!!
Granny went into the doctor to check on a pesky, lingering leg pain.. which turned out to be THROMBOSIS.. it sounds like an instrument in the highschool band, but apparently, it is a blood clot that formed in her leg .. In my grannies case it was very dangerous (heart condition and all).. They admitted her to try and get rid of the clots and figure out what was going on.. Thankfully, the super FINE cardiologist, Dr Candy Pants, was on the job and he started running a bunch of tests to figure out what was going on.. (he is real sweet and swarthy.. I think he might be Persian.. I wonder if I tell him my heart is aching.. he might tend to me??)
They found out that she had a major infection in her stomach that was eating away at her colon.. All day Tuesday they had to fatten up her blood so she could stand MAJOR surgery.. She had surgery late Tuesday night.. The surgeon was way cool and Mom and I were real confident granny was in good hands... she has been in ICU ever since.... her spirits are high and your prayers are appreciated..

slightly sad

So, the hot beefy Jared did respond to my offer of a mix tape.. I have a weird feeling that this will be yet another unrequited love.. sigh..



My Email to Jared:

The sad thing? What do I do for fun? Talk to you!
I was completely honest when I said that I missed you.. the LIVE 105 type station on Sirius is Alt Nation 21.. and the DJ's are really bad.. I miss the little "relationship" I had with you..I would turn on the radio on my hellish commute home.. and you would make it soooo much better.. (ROOT!) With Dane Cook.. and Mitch Hedberg (how sad) and your HOT voice.. (sigh) the time would FLY! I would talk about you to my peeps like we was tight friends.. when I heard you today it all came flooding back.. And my little face beamed!
I would love to be your slightly insane, but totally harmless stalker.. you know .. send you mix tapes (like back in the day..) and love letters.. (I want to get a taste of your candy pants, etc..) Wouldn't that be sweet?

Much Love,
Meghan

PS Love that you are into Brunettes.. Alyssa is So HOT.. freaky website music, though.

His response:

You are sooo amazing. thanks for the love! It feels good. Warm and fuzzy like. Hope your day was good. Be in touch and thanks for tuning back into the FM!

- Jared




(did you notice I wrote like a novel.. and he wrote like a blurb? Poo on Jared.

LOVE me some Jared!

Jared/ LIVE 105 DJ

I was driving home.. on the 87.. as I usually do.. when, for the first time, dear reader.. NOTHING good was on Sirius to listen to.. Hard to believe, I know.. like a gazillion stations and not one that tickled my fancy.. Right at that moment.. I decided to visit my old haunt.. LIVE 105.. The voice of my dear old friend came over the air waves.. JARED .. Now, I don't know him personally but I do feel close to him. He has shared the commute home with me every day for what seems like forever. He is my kind of people.. and his taste in music matches mine exactly.. its freaky..
While he was talking about some silly topic.. I started missing him. Ever since I got Sirius, I NEVER listen to Terrestrial radio anymore. There isn't much point... Except, that is, for Jared. Jared is the hottest little monkey this side of the equator.. So, as I am driving.. I pick up the old cell.. and dial his number. Well, not HIS number, but the stations number.. 415-478-LIVE.. the number has been burned on my brain.. for years and years of trying to be the 10th caller.. sigh.. ANYWAYS.. My sweet Jared answers.. and I tell him that I can't lie.. I got Sirius.. and I haven't been listening to him for a long time.. But I went on to say that I miss him.. I really miss him. .. I spend like 1/2 an hour telling him what a hot little monkey he is.. I think I might have a new boyfriend.. I told him I would be faithful to him.. and not listen to ANY other "regular radio" personality.. I promised to be like totally monogamous.... i think we might be going around.. Maybe I will make him a mix tape..

Jill .. toasty warm

Time for NIC!

Hot.. come kiss me lips, huh?

Yes, it is true.. I am not perfect!

See I am not lazy, its just my eye

Today was my annual eye doctor visit. Its basically the same old story.. I get all crazy because my doctor insists on taking me for a ride.. I was hell bent on not spending any money..(no really) because I am really trying to be good and save money.. (I know, whats the point?? But, dear reader, I am trying to be mature!) I walked in with my head held high.. and he knocked me on my ass the 2nd I walked in the door.
Apparently, unbeknownst to me, the eye can tell a whole lot about whats going on inside the rest of your body.. My doctor, little Scott Feldman, had this really cool way of taking a picture of my eye.. from the inside out.. and he could tell me if I had some dreadful disease.. !! The only catch?? The insurance company doesn't cover it.. Hmm? What should I do.. I started to think.. maybe I have some disease that could be caught and cured for a mere 39.00 !! Isn't my life worth more? Of course.. Put it on my tab, I say.
(Took the test.. pictures look great.. Can I take a bad picture?? no problems)
I walked into the exam room.. and he immediately say my eyes look haggered.. He said they were all red and he needed to get me the new lenses that all the smart people were wearing..The new lens is called Oasis.. kewl!! (wait, where was I when this new lense came out? I am smart! I need this lense..!) Put it on my tab, I say!
The doctor then started lecturing me about how stupid I was for wearing eyeliner on my lower lid.. I yell back if John Cougar Mellencamp's wife/Model can wear it that way, so can I.. hmph.. he said.. HMPH? Apparently, it is blocking up my tear ducts and my eyes are really dry.. I need re-wetting drops, he says.. Put it on my tab, I say!
I walked out of the examroom, and was met by the PERKY office manager.. She said, you know, Meghan.. you are eligible for a free pair of glasses.. Now, I never ever wear glasses. I hate them.. I feel like I am in a box.. So, I said I didn't need them.. Then she said.. What about sunglasses?? Hmm.. What about sunglasses?? That would be so cool! When I want to run out and not put my contacts in, I can slap on a pair of dark glasses.. !! I said YES.. But I could hear my friend Lisa's voice in my head.. and I quickly said, Please show me ONLY what my insurance covers.. I thought I was safe.. I picked out a pair of Ralph Lauren jobbers.. and I was on my way.. NOT QUITE.. How could I order a pair of glasses without the scratch proof shit.. and don't forget the polaroid lenses thing.. Cha CHING.. My tab, initially ZERO .. was now up to 218.00!!! AGH! Can I not go anywhere without blowing my load??? My cooter visit is soon.. what in the sam hill are they going to sell me there? Sphincterine? butt plugs?? HELP!

Expanding my plea...

When people find out I L-O-V-E Howard Stern, they often ask why.. They usually say he is disgusting, degrading and not worth anything. I vehemently disagree with any and all negative things said. Why, you ask dear reader???? Because Howard Stern is me. Hold on,dear reader, I am not implying I am a 6'5 Jewish Man.. I am in fact, saying that he represents everything I am .. and everything I want to be.
As far back as I can remember .. The drum in my head has never quite gone along with anyone else's beat. I have always wanted to explore who I was .. and by doing so, I often find myself on the oposite side of the "popular" view. Howard says what he wants.. and isn't afraid of anything.... I want to be that kind of person.. Where my inner voice is the loudest.. and the one that matters most.
So, dear reader, I extend to you the same question.. What are you waiting for. GET SIRIUS!

Lisa.. what are you waiting for?

Wait, they have thorns?

As I turned the corner of my street.. I noticed Vic's car was in the driveway. Was he sick? Did the free 7ft tree come to life and maime him? Did pepper hump him into unconsciousness? Apparently, he took the day off to get things done.. He didn't tell me.. Maybe he was concerned I would rush home and expect him to spend time with me.. (sigh) Anyways, I came in.. and did my normal after work routine.. ate dinner (by myself).. took a shower.. (by myself) .. and then turned on the tele to watch the fab Greta Van Susteren on The Fox News Channel.. (did I mention she and I are email buddies??) Anyway, as I often do, I fell asleep.. and when I awoke.. at about 945 ..(had to get up and see Project Runway) I came out to the kitchen and found a dozen roses.. A day late.. and the MO FO ones with thorns.. BUT he did get something for me.. I wonder which one of my friends called and guilted him into this.. hmmm.. I can hear the conversation..
"Please Victor.. Get her SOMETHING.. She won't shut up .. Blah blah blah.. Damn, I will even give you cash.."
(heavy sigh)

I almost forgot to share!!

Dear reader, first let me say .. that my Starbucks Romance seems to be back on track.. and better then ever.. Even though my putz husband doesn't see my fab star qualities, my Starbucks lovah, has returned from vacation. I imagine he was in his (hopefully one day OURS) beach house upstate..

I will paint the picture for you..
I ordered my Venti Americano.. and patiently waited for the Barista to make my beverage..
All of the sudden, the door swung open.. and in walked candy pants.
I think I might have giggled with delight..
The Barista had to call my name several times, as I was in a goofy haze.
I mixed my 1/2 and 1/2 in.. and as I walked out.. I locked eyes with him.. and gave him a smile..
Come to think of it, it WAS a good Valentines day!!
Ciao.

Apparently Names are necessary.

In my humble opinion, those who believe that Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday, are the dorks and losers who refuse to love a woman the way a woman should be loved.
As I walked into my front door this evening, I was met by my sister-in-law. She was walking down the path from my mother-in-laws house next door....She asked knowingly, "did my brother do anything for you?" And I asked her "what do you think" .. A conversation commenced about how she believed that men should not need a holiday to be romantic with their wives (this coming from a never-been-married 45 year old)..
I believe this is true, BUT ..hello? Vic ain't no Dean Martin.. he isn't looking deep into my eyes ..while belting out a tune about me being hot like Pasta Fazoole.. I figured I could count on 1 day .. 1 FRICKEN day a year where a little romance would come my way. Think about it.. The unromantic putzes have a fool proof holiday to score a few points .. EVERYTHING is prepackage and at every store..
Is it so difficult to think of someone other then yourself..? OK you dont believe in Valentines Day... But can't you take the time to make your wife feel special? Is that so much to ask??
I called Vic ...when I finally got inside.. (Linda, sister-in-law, is a talker.. blah blah blah quit my job to go on Star Search.. blah blah blah) and told him to call the florist because there was obviously a huge mistake.. as I had not received my flowers.. With a laugh, he said the tree was my gift. The tree you ask? Well it was a FREE tree.. that I arranged for..
I have to interject a little story here... my old office is closing .. and the word was out that all the old office plants were up for grabs. I snagged a 7ft HUMONGOUS tree.. and asked Victor to go pick it up.. (in his pickup truck) ..
I am a total believer in the journey being part of the gift.. but Vic didn't know about the tree until EARLIER TODAY! What does that tell you, dear reader? (heavy sigh)

Not naming names, but....

I BEST BE GETTING SOME FLOWERS TOMORROW..

NUFF SAID?

Seriously! What is the point?

All day I had to field the most annoying question imaginable..

"Are you going to watch the Grammy's?"

My standard answer, of course, was what is the point? Music, today.. is ridiculous. I absolutely abhor American Idol.. The mere thought that Kelly Clarkson was nominated.. sickens me. Music has become such a joke. A JOKE! I get so pissed when I want to talk to someone about music and they bring up some country monster or, god forbid, an American Idol "winner". (totally subjective term)

Rather then sit through the "show", which would inevitably irritate me more, I watched my new Net Flix selection. I am a new member of the Flix cult.. and I cannot be happier. I didn't want to subscribe because I thought it was a huge waste of time.. Boy was I wrong. The movie that I saw this fine evening was the End of the Affair .. my darling 3rd husband .. Mr Ralph Fiennes..plays the lead charectar (note to new readers, I am currently on hubby #1) The movie had an exceptional story,.. And Ralph Fiennes has got to be the kickenest piece of male meat out there. His eyes scream romance.. and his smoking lil bod could (and should) rock my world.. I only have one issue. I have noticed in ALL the films I have seen him in..(The English Patient, Maid in Manhattan, The Constant Gardner, Spider, Red Dragon..) his hands are freaky.. the thought of his delicate, manicured fingers touching my bod, kinda creeps me out..his fingernails are HUGE.. (ew)I am trying to determine if this is something I can overlook..There is something to be said for a pair of nice.. thick .. Man hands.. I have this sinking feeling that I will be Seinfelesque and obsess over the hands.. Damn.. look at his face though (see photo above) .. the hands are a distant memory ..and did I mention? they showed his ass in the end of the affair.. I want to take a big juicy bite!!! Its all meaty and tasy and DEEE-licious!
OK.. I have totally lost my train of thought.. where was I? Where is that pesky neutrogena dermabrasian thing... (wink, wink.. nudge, nudge)

Ribbit.. Ribbit!

As the 2006 MLS season approaches, the reality that the Earthquakes are gone is becoming real. I decided 1/2 heartedly to become a fan of Houston 1836 (lame name) because I love the players .. and love the sport. (The team didn't give up on SJ, the MO FO Owners did)
I took a look at the site, www.houston1836.com, and was a little crushed that the guys seem to be at home in their new digs.. There were already pictures, with captions that read.."Houston 1836'er goalie Pat Onstadt signs autographs..." or " 1836er forward Alejandro Moreno scores a goal.." I was a little tore up! As I wiped a tear from my eye, a new email came into my box.. (freaky coincidence) The email was an update from SSV. SSV stands for Soccer Silicon Valley... they are the fan based group that is working to get a new MLS team for San Jose.. As I read the email, I was delighted to find out that San Jose has a new MINOR league team.. The San Jose Frogs!! (who knew) They apparently play at PAL stadium.. which is my old stomping ground.. !! (heavy sigh) .. The Megster has some fabulous memories in that place.. (SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES!)
So, dear reader, one door might close..but another frog has come 'a' hopping into view.. Ribbit.. Ribbit.

A MOTHER'S WORST NIGHTMARE!

I say this with a heavy heart.. I think , my daughter.. Venti Cappuchino Doe-Almeida, is a trollop.

I was laying in bed watching Kathy Griffith's stand up special on Bravo. (she is one funny chick!)
I was seduced by the warmth of the room.. and the softness of the pillows.. I would laugh at one of her jokes.. and then fall into a semi asleep state... I was not completely out.. but my dear Chino thought I was in one of my benedryl induced comas and she decided to make her move..

I need to preface this adminition by saying, I forever blame Pepper for everything bad that happens.. Anything that can be attributed to a Canine- American, is Pepper's fault. How dare anyone even imply that my dear Chino would be even capable of dasterdly deeds!!!

ANYWAYS, I opened my eyes just in time to see Chino, the light of my life, my little pumkin butt ...hop down to the end of the bed.. where Pepper was laying.. and flop her fat little body ..belly up... right in front of Pepper.. Pepper, startled by the activity, woke up to little Chino's cooter right in his face! I had to stop the little harlet in her tracks .. Imagine if I hadn't! What would have happened? AGH!

What is a mother to do?

Jill is almost 3 months! Can you believe it??

Note shirt.. I LOVE MY AUNT..

Jill Adores Mommy

But can only handle daddy in small doses

Jilly is very flirty..

& already wants to drive!

She Loves to be the center of attention..

(Where does she get that?)

I love Jilly!

Wasting away

Yesterday was a pretty sad day. I came to the realization that my Starbucks romance was all in my head.. and that Vic was most likely never going to love me the way that I want to be loved. I asked him why he didn't like spending time with me.. and he said because I was annoying.. The man that is suppose to love me.. thinks I am annoying.. There isn't really any way to look at that word in a positive light.. Its hard to believe the 5 m inutes a day I spend with him could annoy him, but apparently it does.

What do I want, you ask? I want the kind of love in Brokeback Mountain.. Where the love is unavoidable.. and undeniable.. where you can't get enough of the other person.. and it tears you apart when you aren't together... Is that so much to ask?

I don't want to waste away waiting for it. This hot beyotch won't be a hot beyotch forever, you know!

The romance is over.

It seems that my Starbucks romance is over.
It has been several days, and Mazda convertible man is no where to be seen.
The last time I saw him, I was walking in.. and I held the door for him.. I think it was Tuesday...
I thought if I got there a little earlier, we could share the "waiting for our drink" time.. But, I didn't run into him at all.. and I must admit, I took my time adding the 1/2 and 1/2 .. and the Splenda.
Today, I didn't change my routine.. didn't hurry, or anything. Just kept it really mellow- Still no Hottie. What is wrong with me? I can't even have a successful unrequited crush? Maybe I should take those classes at Good Vibrations on how to be a lesbian. I think chicks are really cool and alot less trouble. They are pretty .. and smell good.. and soft.. and I think Vic would really like it if I was crushing on a chick.

Realization

Moose is normal habitat

Eventhough I am one HOT sexy beyotch.. I think I might be a little, dare I say, a little dull?!?!?
I say this, dear reader, because over the weekend I had lunch with my sister, her baby, her husband.. and 2 of their friends. My sisters husband is literally a rocket scientist.. and is NEVER at a loss for words.. This isn't a bad thing because he always has something interesting to talk about.. which keeps things fun. During lunch, everyone was chatting wildly about random topics .. Rich, one of the other friends, decided that he didnt know enough about me, so he asked what I was up to .. I HAD NOTHING! Now, If I am hanging out with telco people I am a laugh riot!!! (hey Lisa HA-CO?) but with rocket scientist, I am a dud! I need to get a hobby! Any ideas, dear reader? I am taking suggestions..............NOW.

First (of many) Revelations

Daniel V from Project Runway ..

Love him. Love geeky boys..

I discovered early in my married "life", that my personality.. the way that I am.. really wouldn't change. I guess in my head, being married meant that you became this weird type of boring mature adult. Now don't get me wrong... I love my husband with all my heart.. but if I want to obsess over unattainable rock stars or the cute boy at Starbucks, who's to say I can't? I know in my heart I will be married to Vic Forever.. (sigh) and we DO have a happy lil family.. (me,vic,pepper and chino..) But its time for me to be loud and proud

"My name is Meghan ..

(Insert, Hi, Meghan)

..Nic Cester and the Starbucks Man get my juices flowin..."

I think you are pretty well educated on who Nic is.. and if you arent.. SHAME on you!! So, here is the 411 on my other new Crush.. The Starbucks Man ...

I go to the Same Starbucks and see the same people.. Monday thru Friday.. SAME SAME SAME.. (are you getting this?) The other day, I noticed a nice change .. I was standing in line.. when I noticed this fella who had exceptional hair.. I mean I love MAN hair.. (not v carpets on the chest or "wait, he's naked? I could have sworn he was wearing a sweater!") Hair like on Anthony Kiedes of RHCP..or Michael Hutchinson (may he RIP) of INXS.. This Starbucks guy had beautiful hair.. the kind you grab and pull a little while you are smooching on him.. (HEAVY sigh) He dresses really sharp, too.. (not like he is doing it in the dark..) And drives a bitchin convertible.. Anyways.. ever since that fateful day, He smiles .. I smile..He leaves.. I swoon.. its sweet.. it gives me a little bounce in my step.. Like, hey I STILL GOT IT GOING ON.. BUT, dear reader, this morning.. he wasn't there..The Gods must be angry.. the world must be out of alignment.. My entire day was a BUST..

Please..Please...Please dear reader.. Say a prayer for me tonight that I may see my geeky boy tomorrow..

In case there was ANY question... Part deux

It has been well docuemented, dear reader, that I am insane, LITERALLY. I often wonder myself, if in fact, I have hit rock bottom. I am often surprised when I find I can go a little bit farther into the abyss of insanity.. I am sure you are aware that The very HOT Mr Nic Cester can send me into a Jizz-a-thon merely from his rythmic question, Are you going to be my girl.. I am sure you are also aware that the thought of Mr Cester's tongue in my mouth makes me black out from time to time.. (sorry Vic.. He is on the list!) I have yet again surprised myself. I don't believe I can raise the $85,000 in time to have Jet perform at my private function, so I decided to try a different tactic.. I will get Nic to come after me!! Here is my plan... I purchased the web address ... www.niccester.com .... I pointed it at this very page!! So, when Nic trolls around the internet.. He might find himself on this site.. Now, in my fantasy he will either (a) want to buy the address from me.. and I will GIVE it to him for a make out session.. or (b) he will see my pic on the site and fall in complete love with me.. I kinda like (b).. but I will settle for (a) .. Nic, my darling.. just say the word.. and I am yours!

Never happy

On Friday, I sat down with my manager and we went over my annual review. He is new to the department and his "take" on me is really unbiased.. he hasn't known me forever.. and he could really take a look at my impact on the office and what I could do without knowing all my history..
He started the meeting with numbers.. How I stacked up based purely on my stats.
(Just for the record, I hate numbers. It doesn't show the whole picture at all. All it shows is that you are a robot and able to keep up with the mans quota.. ) needless to say, I met everything .. I didn't exceed.. but I met.
He next went into what every manager I have ever had says.. "YOU ARE BEING WASTED.. YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND BRIGHT.. AND FULL OF LIFE.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? " I wonder at what point I will actually listen and do what I was intended to do.. I think it is a huge risk to jump out of my comfort zone and be happy.. But then I look at that little itty bitty face.. little Jilly and realize you only have one life.. and why in the world am I wasting it? Bollywood here I come!

Come on.. The hat needs NO explanation! One question.. Does it come in Mongo size?

The unbearable lightness of being....

Most people I know think I am crazy. I often don't REALLY talk to people, because they can't really understand what is important to me. I am consumed with the idea of death.. and life.. and the fragile nature of it all.. For this very reason, I want so much for little Jillian to have the best possible life.. one filled with love and family.. The two most important things.. PERIOD. She will undoubtedly have EVERYTHING she needs.. Her dad is a rocket scientist, for chrissake.. But I am happy to be able to give her my time and love.. I just hope my friggen sister will unblock my number from her call blocking.. You can't avoid me for ever!! HAA HAA!

Dreams

When I was 16, I dated a fellow who was 24 (thanks MOM!) ..
On our first Valentines day together (Overall there were 5..) He rented an Officer and a Gentleman... I guess he wanted to impress the ladies (me) with his ability to endure a chick flick for the sake of romance.. I remember like it was yesterday, I was wearing the latest Contempo Casual semi-slutty, semi-respectable red "number" .. and we ate Chinese food in front of the tube. (heavy sigh) Little did I know, how much this night would change my life.. It wasn't really who I was with .. but what we did. Now don't get me wrong, Felix was a hot little monkey.. I mean, dear reader, I was 16.. and he was 24.. I was a blossoming flower.. and he had a high powered weed whacker!!! (sigh) ANYWAYS ....That night.. for the first time, I saw THE best movie EVER made.. Without question. I have wanted, since that day, to get a job in a bag factory.. and have a Richard Gere type fellow save me.. Where in this damn valley can a girl find a factory job.. I want to travel and meet interesting people.. ! (sorry I quote the movie sometimes)

Montage 2 -various memories to share

Yes, that tongue is mine! Don't you dig the Holly Hobby shirt?

This is my first known performance.. Note Granny in the back clapping.. I am a natural!

I JUST noticed that in both these pictures, I am in the midst of falling.. Is this predicting the future, or what?

Look at that smile! My sister totally had the "look" before Paris Hilton was even born!!

Me marrying Jesus.. Don't you dig the veil??

Photo Montage 1

You know dear reader.. You have been quite faithful and understanding when I was unable to provide you with a daily dose of Meghan..So, I thought you deserve a little treat. My history. It actually started because Lisa and I were talking today about a rather pivitol experience of mine.. One that, eventhough I was like 4, I remember to this day.. as if it happened yesterday. I thought it would be interesting to share THAT story with you.. Perhaps making us grow closer.. (me and you, dear reader) but I was unable to find the supporting picture.. and without the photo, I don't think you can grasp the magnitude of my experience.. you wouldn't really be able to fully understand my plight.. (heavy sigh) .. So, I decided to pull out a few photos that were my favorite.. and share them with you.. Hopefully this will tide you over until I am able to locate the missing photo and share the REAL history..

My breathtaking ma and me stunning pa

In case there was ANY question...

Yes, I am insane. Completely and undeniably insane! I finally got my DSL working last night... The ethernet had got deactivated some how.. don't ask me how, I have NO clue.. I just know I clicked something and it started working.. I REALLY didn't want to call India.. "Hello, This is Chad. May I call you Miss Meghan? " (Inside joke) Anyway, it had been a LONG time since I surfed the net.. I don't really do a whole lot of it.. I am not a geek or anything, but I did go to a few search engines and wanted to peek at a few things.. First, I wanted to check out the 411 on Ralf Fiennes.. Totally in love with him. Just saw the constant gardner .. and he FLOATS MY BOAT.. I think he might be taking Chris Isaak's spot on the list of 5... Found some really HOT pics of Ralph.. and found out he is single.. (score) Then, because I am a nerd, I started trolling around for information on Nic Cester. I like to think that I am in the loop.. You know find out some juicy dirt.. anyways.. I am not sure how I got to this site, but it was some Australian firm that was advertising Jet for corporate events.. huh? wait, I could rent Nic Cester for the right price.. HELLO! I am there! There was a little application about what my event was .. and when it was.. I put 04-24-06 .. special event.. MY BIRTHDAY of course!!It asked what my budget would be.. I didn't want to be cheap.. So, I looked in the old wallet and I had $2.00 .. hmm.. that might be a little low, So, I rounded up and said $85,000.00 ..
I would literally D-I-E if I got an email saying that Jet would be available for my function. I mean .. that would mean that Nic was told about my special event..And he agreed to appear. That alone gets me all mental.. I might have to start fundraising now.. hmm.. Technically, I already have $2, so I only need $79,998..right? SAVE the DATE 04-24-06 .. Its gonna be a party!

Yet another revelation...

I personally believe that my mistakes can maybe save another from the same road.. Something about a fork and taking the road less traveled or something.. Anyway, I am a freak about smelling good.. I LOVE perfume.. and sweet smelling shampoo .. Jeesh, even my lipstick smells like coffee.. (yummmmmmm) I was horrified.. and I admit a little embarrassed, that I happen to be rubbing the ol' tum while waiting for my coffee to brew.. Here, let me set the scene.. Me standing in the kitchen.. one hand on my head .. and the other inching my sweatshirt up.. to expose my tum.. so I can rub it a little. For some reason, My finger traveled to the button.. and I proceded to rub it, too.. For yet another unknown reason, I brought my finger, the one that was just in the button, up to my nose.. I literally coughed.. and was amazed at the utter stank funkiness that waifed off my pointer. There must be some mistake I thought.. maybe I inadvertantly picked up some rotting carcass prior to my belly rub.. so, I sent the other pointer on a mission.. I took a preliminary sniff.. smells good.. and then sent it to the war zone.. As I inserted the finger, I twisted it in the button a bit to get any unsavory smells that could be lying about...I slowly lifted the finger to my eager nose.. and was met with.. well, the smell of death. How could I have missed this important hole. I take pride in smelling yummy.. yet my button could be confused with deteiorating flesh???? I immediately brought the finger to Vic.. and sweetly asked him to tell me what my finger smelled like. I didn't share with him where it had been..(tee hee) as soon as he smelled it, he grimaced and said DEATH! woe is me.. (heavy sigh) The point of my story today is to prevent you, dear reader, from experiencing the same fate.. WASH THE BUTTON!!!

Is it possible?

I am the mother of a 28 year old!! Well actually, only bigger dogs are the 7 years for every human year.. smaller dogs are only 5.. wait, 5? let me do the math here.. (dang I had to use my fingers and my toes!!) 20???? agh
My dear Chino is 4 years old today.. We had cake, well.. dog cake.. and only Chino had some.. and we visited grandma, who is home now. It was a good day.

She isn't quite ready.

I am terrified of death.. Pure and simple.
Not to mention the idea that someone I love would die. As a child, I would pray that God would take me first so that I would not have to experience the grief.
My dear grandmother is in the hospital today.. They ran tests, but they can't figure out what is wrong. I am the person I am today because of her.. and I am not done with her. Please wait, Grandpa. You have eternity.. and I need her a little bit longer.

I am a loser, I know. But we make a hot couple,huh?

Here, yet again.. more ranting about Nic Cester.
It might be sweet if I was a teenager.. But as a 32 year old woman its getting kinda creepy.
I am just totally obsessing over him lately.
Check this out, I found out that he is dating/or dated this model who has brown hair and brown eyes.. I was all excited.. This leads me to believe he could be totally into me. Me? Hello? Meghan...?? Are you forgetting something.. That day 2.5 years ago when you said I do??
But then I quickly think that I wouldn't want to run away with him or anything.. Just make out with him for awhile.Am I crazy? You know what I think it is? He kinda sorta looks like my first love, Rick Silvestri... That love was unrequited.. and It must be creating this weird hot monkey lust I have for Nic.. (heavy sigh) would anyone happen to have Nic's number?

I am here for the tour.. No really, just the tour.

Isabella

I absolutely LOVE on demand.. I can pick a show and watch it whenever.. (Do I sound like a commercial??) Vic happen to be working today... and I was all by my lonesome.. I came upon this hip new reality show, Cathouse.. It kinda BLOWS Survivor out of the water..(literally!)
It shows you exactly what happens at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. Its really kind of weird, because most of the girls look like run of the mill girls.. Hardly any MAN MADE girls, if you get my drift. My favorite girl was Isabella.. She tended to be the one choosen as the girl next door.. hmm.. What neighborhood is she livin in?? Looking at her, I totally understand the whole lesbian thing!!

Did I black out, again?

Chick who is trying to steal my identity

Have you ever googled yourself? My sister recommended that I do it to see if there was some scandolous dirt traveling the internet highway about me.. I was excited.. What trashy stories had google dug up on me.... That time I met the fleet when I was 17? or maybe they found out about the time I applied to be a 976 operator.. (what????? they make GOOD money!!!)

Surprise! Surprise!

There is another chick trying to steal my identity. There is only room for one MEG DOE damn it !!! When I was a kid, my mom assured me that there was no one just like me.. I believed her, too. I mean what are the chances that not only someone else would have the last name Doe, but that they would be named Meghan..WITH AN 'H'??? Maybe it is me.. Maybe the MIL (mother in law) is putting weird stuff in the water.. Maybe, I am blacking out again and this person (pictured above) is in fact me.. I could totally attend Michigan State University.. and be a respected member of the softball team.. (I vaguely remember playing 2nd base in school.. wait ..maybe it was that I went to second base..??)everything is a blur... Its all getting fuzzy.....

The art of dealing with a married lady

Most married ladies are in this trance.. They believe that their sexuality has been locked away and can only be released by the man who slid the slightly tarnished ring on her finger.. I am here to say .. out loud and proud. I got married, not buried.. (WHo knew that I would be quoting Three's Company!!) It is nice every once and a while to get positive ego strokes from members of the opposite sex.. Now, I am not talking about literal strokes here!! Fellas!!! Behave!!! (ok.. maybe literal for one special man/friend.. :) ) (I kid, I kid ) (or do I) .. AGH... Anyways, saying someone is a hot beyotch every now and again never hurt nobody! And even if a girl is married, it doesn't give you the right to treat her like a dude and share all your opinions about the other babes. Married chicks still like to think that they are the hottest thing this side of the equator.. (Noone can out sizzle those damn Brazilians.. they are hot beyotches!!!)

I try so hard...

my bling bling

Well, dear reader.. I have been foiled yet again.. With the departure of Brian Ching.. I have tried to immerse myself in anything and everything Hawaiian .. Taking me ma to the islands for her 60th.. Possibly getting a Tatt of a plumeria on my white arse.. And then I happen to pop on the net and I found for a mere $135.00, I could be the proud owner of a Palomo Picasso SURFER bracelet (see photo WAY below).. You may not know this, but when Brian was on the injured reserve.. He returned to his native Hawaii to recuperate.. While there, he regained his strength .. by doing what you ask?? SURFING! I am certainly not crazy enough to paint a wetsuit on this HOT body.. and venture out into the shark infested waters.. so, I planned on doing the next best thing.. ACCESSORIZE surfer style!! I decided that this is what I would ask for from grumpy St Vic. Well, Vic, as usual, waited till the last minute to do his Christmas shopping ..And they had nothing left in the stores.. (imagine that, at 5pm on 12-24) He had to order my surfer bracelet on line.. I was SO excited.. I patiently waited while Tiffanys flew out my bracelet from Parsippany, NJ.. via UPS. I monitored its progress via the web.. I tracked it like a modern day hunter.. minus all the blood and guts.. When it finally came, I opened the box and the wrapping alone made me smile.. I have arrived I thought.. Then, when I pulled the bracelet from the little BLUE box.. (yipee) I was less then impressed.. It was in fact a rubber bracelet.. It does make sense when you are literally hanging ten to have waterproof jewelry .. but hello? I wasn't too concerned about that. Palomo obviously took after her pa.. you know, kinda sorta looks like a chick in his paintings.. if you squint and look away real fast??? Well, this WAS a bracelet.. but not at all what I expected!!! heavy sigh.
So...Today, I ventured to the mall.. (blech I hate the mall).. the Gods were with me because I found a parking spot right in front of the entrance to Tiffanys.. (what are the chances of that, seriously?) I spotted my game.. locked my sites on it.. and bagged it.. OOH LA LA..
I guess I am too elegant to be a beach bum.. oh well.When I got it home, I noticed the itty bitty bitty bitty charm wasn't even big enough to fit Tif..BUT, I still LOVE IT!
cheerio my pets.

Doesn't anyone listen to the flight attendant anymore?

For anyone who has flown the friendly skies the "talk" about cabin decompression.. and how the seats can be used as a floatation device is old news...second nature.. So, rather then listen to the perky attendant, most people use the time to cram the "carry on" bag under the seat .. or scan the crowd for potential sneaker terrorists.. It really seems that this mentality has permiated every facet of daily life. People don't take the time to possibly learn about the oxygen masks and how they will magically fall from the ceiling.. It really seems like no one cares at all...I think the day has come.. This first day of this fabulous year, to go over what you would think every human being should KNOW.... Now, don't look around at your neighbors!!! Attention .. Lesson one is about to begin!!!

FOCUS..

Did you know that sending a text message is literally like going to a pay phone and PAYING to talk to you.. Every time a message is sent, money is being spent... You would think the receipient would have the common decency to respond. Even if predictive text is on .. and you have no idea how to get it to work.. a message that means nothing, is better then no message at all.. right? And this message is unfortunately not intended for just one of my dear readers.. BUT a great many!!! Most of you know I have a fragile ego!! I must be stroked!
I am not going to even get into my dear friends who haven't made the leap .. and still remain cell-less. (What if I have a pressing issue and need to talk to you??? ) (sigh)