My worst nightmare.

If you know anything about me, you know that a man in a uniform will literally make me weak in the knees. One of my besties of all time, Tania, is married to the super cute Bob. Bob just happens to be a fireman. Fireman are literally #2 on my list of uniformed hotties. (right under sailors.. Hello, officer and a gentleman... sigh)
Fast forward to today. I was having a particularly BAD day in the pain department.. (you know, the whole being hit by a car business) I had been taking my PRESCRIBED pain meds and I had slept most of the day away. At about 6p, I was heading over to my mom's house for a quick visit and to flatten my nephew's hair.. (Yes, he is a fashionista, too) Just as I was coming out the door, I see a GIGANTIC firetruck turn the corner. All of the sudden, I remembered Tania telling me that Bob was now stationed in MY neighborhood. UGH! There I was looking like a slob.. hair all messy, NO makeup, sweats and such. OMG.. I tried my darnedest to get in my car before he spied me.. NO SUCH LUCK! He slowed the rig down, gave a TOOT of the horn and with all the HOTTIES spying me, he gave me a holler! I was mortified. My DREAM .. a rig full of fireman 10 feet away.. Stopping for ME! If I had looked super cute, I would have totally faked a fainting spell.. and made them all rush to my aid.. grr. damn murphy's law.. Bob, please come back.. But call first. :)

Peace and Love

This would be beyond hot if instead of chips... it was STRIP poker! (although, apparently, no one told Conway.. Maybe he was shootng the roids in his ass just before this pic) I miss Brian.. (heavy sigh)

Ladies and Gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES!

The unofficial start to the 2009 MLS season has begun!
On Saturday, my bestey, Tree and I attended the first game of the year. The San Jose Earthquakes hosted a "friendly" with the Colorado Rapids.

I must tell you that ANY time spent with Tree is unforgettable.
With a little help from some liquid courage, Tree was a friggen ROCK STAR.

Here are SOME of the HIGHLIGHTS from the evening:

* Tree insisted that the SF Chronicle sports photographer take her photo. She advised him several times, she was in fact, ready for her close up. He did take a photo and she was right, She is a hot bitch!

* Tree handed the beer vendor a $20 with her ID (I think she was flattered that he thought she was under 30 and wanted to grease his palm a little)

* Tree participated in the stadium cheer ..."EARTH".... ...."QUAKES".... with loud obnoxious groaning (Notice the PAINED look on the lady behind Tree)


* Tree loudly yelled at the players warming up.. "GO GO GO" .. finally, one of the players walked over and asked her where exactly she wanted them to go..

*Tree peed twice at the game and obviously peed out all the drunken goodness. When the game was over, I HAD TO GET JOHNSON'S autograph. I don't have the heart to tell her he was flirting with me.. I had him throw her a bone..

gonna be ok

Be honest... My scarf looks hot, huh?

Tree and her Sexy Bitch

Seriously, the man is giving me, the photographer, the love eyes.. He is yearning and wanting me something bad.. I cannot blame the man... I mean have you seen me? I am a sexy thang! Poor Tree is delusional..

I am joining a cult...

OMG .. I AM Jack (minus the bus and the enormous head .. shutup, Lisa)

What a delightful Saturday I was having. Jillian, Shannon and I had just adopted Jillian's FIRST cat from the Animal shelter and we were on our way to the pet store to get last minute supplies.. The pet store was located in this nightmarish "mall" that surrounds a parking garage... Its dark.. and their aren't any real safety measures that are apparent.. (a speed bump.. a stop sign)
Jillian and I got out of the car and were heading into the store in front of my sister. We were going to collect a cart to put the box that the cat was in.. I grabbed Jillian's hand and we headed across the aisle. When we were 1/2 way across, all of a sudden, I heard and felt a LOUD impact. I quickly realized, I was being impacted. From this point, to when the driver was in my face, is kind of a blur. I do remember all of a sudden, Jillian started crying. I immediately yelled for someone to get my sister... as I pointed to my car. When Shannon got to us, she asked what happened, and I said we got hit. I had to say it several times because it wasn't registering. I do remember talking to a 911 operator.. and talking to Shannon's husband, Frank. But the rest is kind of a blur. I do remember LOTS of people asking if I was ok, and I felt ok. I could stand and move around. I could pretty much tell nothing was broken.. and my main concern was Jillian. I did not know if she got hit by the car or what had happened. She wasn't moving for the longest time and I was VERY frightened. Eventually, the ambulance came and Jillian was taken to General Hospital. She had a concussion but was released that same day. I had gone to my sister's home with the cat .. I am not a HUGE fan of General. As I remember, their bathrooms smell WAY better then the waiting area.. I went home a little later .. and FELT pretty bad on Sunday. I headed to Kaiser and they kept asking me if I was the passenger or the driver.. When I told them I was a walker, they insisted on X Rays. I was cleared of all broken bones .. and just told that I had sprains and would have pain for awhile.. (heavy sigh)

Please send donations to the "Meghan needs a new pair of Marc Jacobs Glasses because her new pair got crushed in the damn accident" fund

P.S. No, the car was not indented where it hit my arse.. HAHAHA funny, Lisa.

Meli is an ultra fab detective!! Smooches!

He can even ROCK a silk suit.

NOT FUNNY, Jack!

Yesterday, I went to Jack in a box to get me some grub. I was hungry and it was too late to be fixin something at home (hahaha) When I pulled up to the window, I noticed a press release taped to it. Apparently, Jack was in a terrible accident and had gotten hit by a bus. I was a little concerned. I asked the lady at the window if the press release was real. She said that Yes, the man that plays Jack, was hit by a bus. OMG!! How terrible.. A bus!! The lady went on to say that Jack was in surgery .. and it was touch and go.. Hmm.. Poor guy. WOW.. I Should pray... I should send an email of support.. I should give money..

As soon as I got to work the next day, I told ALL my co-workers we should do SOMETHING.. He was an ICON and we should pray for him .. All I heard through the uproarious HA-HAing was "HAHAHA..idiot..superbowl.. ad campaign... HHAHAHAHAHAHA.. seriously retarded"

boo jack. not funny. Not everyone watches lame ass football.

OMG!!! I drink to thin my blood, too!

New obsession.....

(love Beefy, Rob & Meaty)

Fun times!

New Jet? SHUT UP!

Setting the record straight

Katy rocked the house. Completely sad that it is over.
I must comment though, on my date, Lisa. Who drank NOTHING.. she seemed to be rocking but at the end of the evening, she said"call me when you get home"implying I was not safe to drive....It was late!!!! I know she thinks I was wasted??!?!?!? BUT Darling, I had like zero food and 1 cocktail and a corona.. I was buzzing pretty good and I do admit I was jumping around a little bit crazy.. but I was not wasted. I was having fun!
I am off work today and I know the stories will be flying.

Danny, THIS is Katy Perry.

Is it just me, or do you want to pet her kitty, too?

all worth it

confessions of a girl crush

Over the weekend, I went to my work husband's 30th party.. It was beyond fun. He doesn't play for my team, if you get my drift, so I was a minority in the orientation department. Where I normally like to be the life of the party, I had NOTHING to offer these boys. (heavy sigh) I did have a ULTRA FAB time.. but was bummed when my "date" Trecia wanted to bolt early. She was all glammed up (tight sweater, F Me boots, Big ol hoop earings) to go to this after hours Reggae club. As I understand it, she wanted to get her groove on .. or some such thing.
We really had a splendid time, though.. She and I got some dinner before the shin dig and I dare say she was looking for some Megster lovin. We were driving in circles in the Mission In SF, and she kept directing me to hotels and motels .. and dimly lit parking garages.. HM. Sweetness!! My dear bestey, I love you to literal pieces, but it would never work out between us.. You MUST know how I hate the buffet. I only deal with my own under protest. And besides my latest girl crush is the way Hot Erin from the City. She's more my type. She kinda reminds me of my 2nd hubbies (Nic Cester) girlfriend, Pia. Can we still be besteys??

Erin from the City.. AKA my girl crush (tee hee I am blushing)

"...........He's spoiling all men for me.........."

Dear Malia and Sasha,

I know that you've both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I probably shouldn't have let you have. But I also know that it hasn't always been easy for you and Mom, and that as excited as you both are about that new puppy, it doesn't make up for all the time we've been apart. I know how much I've missed these past two years, and today I want to tell you a little more about why I decided to take our family on this journey.

When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me—about how I'd make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And suddenly, all my big plans for myself didn't seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I realized that my own life wouldn't count for much unless I was able to ensure that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In the end, girls, that's why I ran for President: because of what I want for you and for every child in this nation.

I want all our children to go to schools worthy of their potential—schools that challenge them, inspire them, and instill in them a sense of wonder about the world around them. I want them to have the chance to go to college—even if their parents aren't rich. And I want them to get good jobs: jobs that pay well and give them benefits like health care, jobs that let them spend time with their own kids and retire with dignity.

I want us to push the boundaries of discovery so that you'll live to see new technologies and inventions that improve our lives and make our planet cleaner and safer. And I want us to push our own human boundaries to reach beyond the divides of race and region, gender and religion that keep us from seeing the best in each other.

Sometimes we have to send our young men and women into war and other dangerous situations to protect our country—but when we do, I want to make sure that it is only for a very good reason, that we try our best to settle our differences with others peacefully, and that we do everything possible to keep our servicemen and women safe. And I want every child to understand that the blessings these brave Americans fight for are not free—that with the great privilege of being a citizen of this nation comes great responsibility.

Sasha (l) and Malia Obama at play in New Hampshire in 2007.

Bumper cars at the Iowa State Fair in August 2007.

That was the lesson your grandmother tried to teach me when I was your age, reading me the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence and telling me about the men and women who marched for equality because they believed those words put to paper two centuries ago should mean something.

She helped me understand that America is great not because it is perfect but because it can always be made better—and that the unfinished work of perfecting our union falls to each of us. It's a charge we pass on to our children, coming closer with each new generation to what we know America should be.

I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give others the chances you've had. Not just because you have an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our family so much—although you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential.

These are the things I want for you—to grow up in a world with no limits on your dreams and no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compassionate, committed women who will help build that world. And I want every child to have the same chances to learn and dream and grow and thrive that you girls have. That's why I've taken our family on this great adventure.

I am so proud of both of you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I am grateful every day for your patience, poise, grace, and humor as we prepare to start our new life together in the White House.


Love, Dad

at last ....

Perspective is a bitch

My story~

I went to Safeway tonight and I was more scatter brained then normal. I was going from end to end and I really had no clear idea of what I wanted or needed. I thought I was finally done, when I realized I needed some Splenda. As I walked past register 1, I thought my eyes were deceiving me... There stood good ol #7 of the San Jose Earthquakes, Mr Ronnie O' Brien. I kept walking.. I had this internal conflict about what a wonderful fateful moment I was passing up. So many different things had to happen to get us both right here right now. I made an executive decision and decided that Splenda was not a necessity and I high tailed it back to register 1. I could tell Ronnie was taking quick glances at me. He led his wife in front of him so that we could be side by side. He loaded all his groceries onto the belt and then pushed his cart forward. I proceeded to put my items on the belt and I caught him sneaking peaks at me. His blue eyes were magnificent and I knew he was sending me secret Irish thoughts of love. He proceeded to pay and walk out. As soon as he was far enough away, I gushed at the clerk..."Do you know who that was? Ronnie O'Brien!!! " All I got was.."WHO?" It didn't matter, I knew who he was.. I knew we shared a beautiful moment at the Safeway.. (Heavy Sigh)


Most likely, Reality~
After talking to my bestey Tresha and my current husband Victor, they believe my perspective was a little flawed. Here is how they both see it. (Strangely the same!!)
The season had been over for awhile.. and Ronnie and his wife hadn't been bothered by freaky fans lately, so they figured a Monday night trip to the market would be nice. They shopped and went to the first register with the smallest line. They unloaded the groceries and realized a peculiar girl was staring at them. Ronnie moved his wife away from the freak and put his body between his beloved wife and this crazed lunatic. Ronnie peered at the girl every now and again to make sure he was not bum rushed. He paid and they high tailed it out of there. Excited they averted a scene.

She is ok

A few years ago, a lady died in the bathroom where I work. Well, not just a lady, my friend, Pam. I wasn't at work that day. I was on the way home from a soccer game in Los Angeles. I was bombarded by calls from everyone at work .. giving me all the sordid details about the event. Pam went into the bathroom and someone found her, almost on the floor, in one of the stalls. Apparently, several of my co-workers feverishly tried to revive her and were able to keep her alive until the paramedics arrived. They took her to the local hospital where her condition remained touch and go.

I returned the next day and the news had not improved. Several of us went over to the hospital to show her boyfriend support and get a better idea how she was doing.
When we saw Pam, we realized just how serious it really was. Machines were keeping her alive. Her boyfriend was inconsolable. Pam died the next day. It all seemed kind of unreal to me, One day your fine and the next you are dead. For a long time I felt very uneasy going into the bathroom. In my heart, I know she died in that room, I would hear odd noises and the lights would flicker strangely. I finally asked the person who found her which stall it was. I found out it was stall number 3. The stall that I would initially avoid I now go to. My friend Pam is there.
I am very lost when it comes to death and where we go when we die, But in my heart I know Pam is there and she is OK.

OK! OK! THIS is Jonah, Bitches

Dude, dig the message but what did you do with the face?

Beyond excited!

So, I took the who would you be if you were an OC housewife.. and I LOVE me.. (LOVE her and SIMON!!)

omg! I love Jonah..

Puck you, miss.

Genius

Damn those lips!

Nic at December "secret" show.. LOVE the new hair.. SO SEXY!

Apparently, the tour ball is rolling (yeah) .. secret shows.. rave reviews.. I literally am beyond excited.. My boys are coming back to town!

2009 bitches!

If I remember correctly, I believe Mr Lionel Richie indicated that we would be dancing on the ceiling or some such nonsense on my sister’s 46 inch Sony. In all honesty, it is still kind of a blur. For most of the night me and Jiji were hyped up on (root) beer floats and dancing our arses off. We had a truly wonderful GIRLS only party .. We danced, we ate pizza, we did each other’s nails..

Happy New Year!!

molto importante per me anche

You are kidding, right?

I was blown away the other day. Someone I work with said the 4 words that I thought would never .. Could ever be uttered. ….

“Who is Chris Isaak?”

Wait, what?? Are you kidding me? Aside from the fact that I am mildly obsessive, and I did obsess over Chris for a small window of time... how could ANYone not know who he is? It isn't really about liking a specific TYPE of music.. He is a legend..
I feel the need to reach out to these naive people.. these less fortunate people ..who have, up until now, lived a terribly boring, unromantic life.
Here my pets.. his BEST song EVER.. you MUST watch it.. Learn it.. Live it.. (Mad props to Helena Christianson for her bitchin cameo)

After watching this video.. (heavy sigh) it just happened to be linked to this one,... Hey Alice, ever heard of Wham?? Ugh.. to avoid any embarrassment, I have provided you classic Wham.. careless whisper.. ENJOY

why, hello!

Yeah. So its been a real long time since we have chatted and a whole lot has been going on. I think I left off the weekend before the weekend before Christmas. My sister was kind enough to include me in Jiji’s social schedule so a lot of my most recent outings were as Jiji’s date. The first outing was to go to Jiji’s school for her Christmas party. It was fun primarily because the FILF made an appearance, but I have to be honest. He has become a beautiful letdown.. LITERALLY. Beside the fact that he is probably a size ZERO (so annoying), the one interaction we had, showcased his inability to carry on the simplest conversation.. Yes, kiddies, he is NOT the brains in his relationship. Pure eye candy. While in most cases, this would be beyond kewl, I need a little meat. (heavy sigh) The best part of the evening was Frank (aka bro in law) played Nikolas.. (Santa..) and Jiji recognized him right off the bat and came to me in a hushed voice and said, "Papa is SANTA!"

Fast forward a week, and I found myself at a HOT tot party in bay view, Jiji's boy toy was turning 3 and it was the place to be. We showed up just in time to chow down and get perfect spots to watch the rest of the guests arrive. Aside from a lil spanish boy who was hot for the Mooster (mad wicked props Phillipin) Sean Penn was there. OK, It wasn't him EXACTLY.. It was just his TWIN. His wife seems to be a bit anal and keeps him on a tight leash.. so, I could not bestow any charm on him.. (booo) I did snap this pic while they were doing the Pinata'.
Shut up.. You know it looks just like him.. Of course I mean Milk Sean, Not Dead Man Walking, Sean. Oh well, I think the wife sniffed some love vibe or something, because they darted outta that party as quick as can be.. BOO! Oh yeah, Kristen.. (ahem) Poster?

Yes, Jiji.. there is a Santa Claus!

Happy MO FO Christmas you A$$hole

While at the Pruneyard, an SOB pulled into a parking spot that I was clearly waiting for. When I LOUDLY protested, he ignored me. I continued to ask him if he realized what a MO FO A$$hole he was.. and then I realized.. hey, didn't one of those Driver's Ed slides talk about being the better person? not letting stupid mo fo a$$holes get you all angry? I have a feeling his evening was in the shitter anyway.. He deserves being shit on.. I let it go, and I found another space. SERENITY NOW!

P.S. Not all drivers are as nice as I am. Is it really the best idea to leave your fab car with someone you just F'ed over? food for thought

People suck! Nice people swallow!

Yesterday, I had to sit in front of this damn computer for what seemed like an eternity. Several months ago, some damn pig gave me a ticket for speeding. I ignored the situation until the BITTER end. My deadline was 12-12 to complete the drivers education class, or I would get points on my record. GRRR.. In my head, I am thinking.. an online class!! ?? How hard could it be?
It wasn't hard, it was painful. They figured out a way to make you read every slide .. or at least stare at it for a minute or two until you can advance to the next horrible slide. It took hours and hours.. UGH .. The worst part, by far, was that I found out that the county I live in encourages you to run over small animals.

WTF?

My small animals (mo, pepps and Chino) are worth more to me then most people!!! If any sun of a bitch didn't swerve to avoid hitting them, they would get the wrath of the moose.
Does Governor Arnold know this? I do not want my tax dollars spent on dispensing this evil philosophy. I couldn't believe it.. No way could ANYONE support this..But then, on the ride to work this morning, as I was careful to leave a 3 second cushion between the car in front of me and my car.. and I allowed tailgaters to pass.. and I signaled and did all kinds of new stuff I didn't know about, my commuter Lisa said she WOULD swerve to avoid hitting a small animal, but to prevent damage to her car? WHAT? People totally suck. completely and totally.

Come to mama....

Dog's Rule!

Todays obsession...

Better then a unibrow, I spose

I decided to bite the bullet and go get my brows tended to by a professional.. I went on Friday with my new best-ey, Trecia. I was tired off all the peeps at work pointing and laughing at my attempts to tame the bush.


My biggest concern was being tagged Uncle Leo..That kinda nickname would be impossible to shake. Come on.. You know the episode.. Uncle Leo's brows get burnt off and Elaine draws them in all wonky. Everyone assumes he is pissed because his brows are arched in a weird way???
"Calm down Uncle Leo"

Sitting here looking at my mug in the mirror, I do look a little goofy... The worst part of the experience was the chick that did them had a whole lot to say... Here is what I remember:

"People think doing brows is easy. "

"Oh, Gawd. you really messed them up.. What were you thinking?"

"You don't need brow tattoo - you hairy girl.."

"Next time you come, they look beautiful. This time, they look OK, but next time they look beautiful."

"I do lip for you no charge" :(

Seriously, what kind of a friend am I?

I am a moron. One of my dearest friends celebrated her birthday and I forgot to wish her the best. Tania, my beautiful friend, I shall make it up to you... PROMISE. xo

Horrified.

I am completely Horrified.

In my head, the animals that I eat come from the chicken patch.. and the beef tree.. and so on. I cannot imagine that a poor animal is brutally being killed for me. I know I am insane.. I know that I am completely delusional and paint pretty pictures to avoid things.. BUT I cannot believe this "woman" chose this back drop for her interview..in the background a poor bird is being SLAUGHTERED and she calmly drinks her coffee.. and laughs.

Sarah Palin is a Horrible excuse for a human being.

I feel naughty....

(gulp) isn't he sexy?

My ultra fab friends in Brazil got Hours and hours of behind the scenes clips of Jet in Studio....... And I watched every MINUTE of it!!!

....................but in my defense, I was in a bad place.. a really bad place. I haven't gotten any love from Jet in so long. When you live and breathe something,.. and then it goes away, you can be devastated. I was devastated. (and don't judge me.. being passionate about something is what life is all about, right?)

And Nic.. Lover, Dean Martin is so hip.. I love you more now then ever!! (and I'll try and get into the red wine, ok?)

Nic?

I miss you.. I love you.. I need to see you soon.
I think you are being a little bit selfish.. I NEED to see you.. I can't take this absence much longer.. You are the SIN I am the sinner.. blah blah blah
Please.. I mean, I am only human,, I need to see you. Please..

Happy 3rd Birthday my darling!

no on H8

Village People 2008 try outs

Seeking construction worker, sailor and indian.
Apply ASAP.

Damn FILF

On Saturday night, my darling niece Jiji, invited me to her preschools lantern parade..

It has something to do with St Martin cutting his cloak for a homeless guy .. To be honest, I really wasn't listening to my brother in laws lengthy explanation.. I had major attention issues!!This FILF had the nerve to be all sexy and alluring at a preschool function! The nerve. Doesn't he realize old married ladies are in heat and the mere glimpse of him gets certain things a'flowin?

OK, Mia's dad, you are beyond hot.. The fact that we all got caught in the rain and your hair got all sleek and sexy.. BRAVO.. Can you ditch the dentist wife and do a little procreating with me? PUHLEASE? or should I say... BITTE!

Pet Parade photos.....

Check out the whole show at Farley's in San Francisco... Now through December 2nd.

Barney ain't happy that he's heading back to Crawford!

Can't blame him! The Party is OVA!

That's President Obama, bitch!

The proof that before Trecia showed up, I actually had it going on!

Yeah, thats me. I have just a little more invested in the sport, Trecia. I can share with the fellows a sense of understanding that you never ever can. I am soccer Trecia. So, there.

Me and Brian Ching (ala' 16 candles)

Quakes actually won!

But the excitement of the win was snuffed out because it happened again. Trecia accompanied me to the last Quakes game of the season and she was the Belle of the Mother F'ing ball. AGAIN! Random players were complimenting her.. Other players were remembering her wide ass smile from 2 weeks ago..And yet other normal people couldn't take their eyes off the junk she apparently has in her trunk... HMPH. All I got was a glare from a stupid Toronto FC player because I asked for Marshall's digits.. WHATEVER Guavera.

Here are the pics.. (No surprise they feature, you guessed it, TRECIA)

Trecia and Darren Huckerby
Trecia and Shea Salinas
Trecia and Ryan Johnson
Trecia and Frank Yallop
I
Mental note: don't invite her next year. Takes spotlight off my specialness.