Have you fallen? and can't get up?

That would be the only reason I can imagine that YOU would not honor me on my BIRTHDAY!

Today is May 25th. If I have not received a birthday gift from you yet, you are officially a loser. Seriously! I sent out memos .. reminder cards.. save the date magnets... What is your excuse? It certainly cant be that you forgot!
After much thought, I have decided that the reason for your horrifically long delay is because you cant decide what to get me.. Never fear, dear friend.. here is a list.. I know that money isn’t an object.. so, feel free to get a couple of the items listed below.. No need to wrap.. just send ASAP..

A 2 (wo)man inflatable kayak. Preferably a Coleman

Provence perfume by Clean

A Jonathan Auton filter for my shower filtration system (sephora)

A few shares of Starbucks stock

Pink dog cowboy hat from Gussied Up Dog Boutique (for Chino)

A Team Denise XL t-shirt from www.shopkitson.com

Naked DVD starring David Thewlis

AS SEEN ON TV doggie steps for Chino to get on the bed

A case of Kretschmer honey crunch wheat germ

The Earthquakes franchise

4 new Michelin tires for my mom’s jeep

2 tickets to a Galaxy / Dynamo game plus a gas card with enough cash to get me down to LA and back


That’s a good starter list.. Don’t you think? I will ponder it a bit more and add if necessary.. Get cracken folks! If more time elapses, you are not only a loser.. but the value of the gift MUST increase! I am thinking of you!! Peace OUT!