Dear Police Chief Davis,

On 02-20-08, my backyard was swimming with San Jose's finest. Apparently, a not so nice young man wasn't familiar with the term FREEZE and decided to take up shop in my backyard.

Thankfully, the man was caught, but I would respectfully like to make a personal request of you and your department.

When the uninvited man was in my yard, 2 of my dogs, Cappuccino and Mocha Latte, led the police to the offender. They chased him over a fence and into the waiting arms of men in blue.

I believe in another life, Chino and Mocha would have loved to be on the force. You could see it in their eyes as they tore after the suspect.

Now, they have officially retired from any such future crime fighting. As their mother, it is far too dangerous a life for them. But I do believe they should be rewarded—maybe they could be made honorary police dogs, a gift basket?? Something!

Bad boys Bad boys!

OMFG!
So, I am at home tonight and I get my wash together and as I am heading to the garage to pop the clothes in the washer, Chino FREAKS out.. She starts barking and barking and scratching at the side of out storage barn.. Pepper starts chomping on his ball crazy like... They usually do this when a cat is around, so I just say.. "where is the cat? You gonna eat the cat?" So, I load the laundry and as I pass the storgae barn, Chino is still going crazy.. So, I take a peek in the door.. No Cat. I go inside and as I am trying to watch TV, I hear this super loud motor. I walk outside, with my remote still in hand, and see a helicopter buzzing over head. It is literally circling me. I start to kick the ball to Pepper.. and I stare up at this helicopter for like 5 minutes. I finally decide to go in and continue with my TV watching. 30 or so minutes later, I go outside to change the wash to the dryer, and Chino follows me out and starts barking at the storage barn again. I keep walking toward the laundry room when I hear a faint conversation in the yard behind ours. As I am reloading the wash, the dogs barking gets really loud and I came out to investigate. As I got to Chino, I saw a man's head peak over the fence that separates our yard from the neighbor, The guy asked if I saw anyone cut through the yard. This seemed strange to me, I only saw his head and didn't know who he was. I asked if he was a police officer, and he said YEAH. I told him I didn't see anyone, but the dogs were freaking out over the storage barn. The policeman asked if I would let the cops in the front so they could look around. I went out to the front to let them know I had to get a key. As I was walking into the back yard, the policeman that was in the other yard told me to go inside. All my dogs were out and they were all freaking out, so I wanted to collect them before I went in. Just as I tried to grab Mocha, a GANG BANGER emerged from the storage barn. The policeman in the other yard yelled FREEZE.. GUNS WERE DRAWN. the gang banger stutter stepped and made a mad dash passed me toward the front yard. The guns, for a small second, were pointed at ME! All I kept saying was OH MY GOD OH MY GOD..
I started to shake.. word got to the back, that the police that were waiting to be let in the front gate , caught the guy... I was/am totally freaking out that.. Minus the camera, I was on a cops episode.. FOR REALS!

A few observations (if I may):

• Pepper hid, while Chino and Mo protected mommy and tore after the intruder
• I often wondered what I would do if a cop said FREEZE.. well, the cop wasn't talking to me, but I froze
  
• guns in your face are scary
• being in a cops episode wouldn't be as cool as it seems
  
• I need to listen when my pups are trying to tell me something.. I could learn something from Timmy and Lassie

UGH

So, I perused www.jettheband.com .. and there is no new news.. since OCTOBER! No tour dates.. nothing.. I have kicked Sean to the curb, but have needs that must be addressed. Nic is MIA, so I have a stand in.. meet Mr Eric Bana.. (gulp) .. He is super bitchin.

Speaking of the Becks....

LOVE HIM~WOULD DO HIM!!!!

MJ BABY!

The only thing better then a 3 day weekend, is of course a 4 day weekend. Quite a few wonderful things happened.. One of which was my realization that while Michael Koors is one of my favorite designers, the coveted role of THE favorite designer goes to Marc Jacobs.

My birthday is coming soon and I MUST have a Jacobs watch. Come on bitches.. you can afford it and I am way worth it... (fyi.. those legs belong to Vicky Becks... LOVE her)

I am a cougar-rific nut job!

I was so going to tell you all about me being a cougar.

How I can see myself teaching a nice, handsome, young boy how Meggie likes it. And how boys these days are so impressionable and are so into pleasing the hot older bitches that take them under their wings...
I was going to share my latest obsession: Young Sean.
But then, after I downloaded the picture I realized he is a mo fo boy.. I am no better then that crazy Ho of a teacher that went after that Villi Fallow.. Yes Sean in LEGAL.. I won't land my ass in jail if I hook up with him.. But, I was 16 when he was born.. I had become a woman already!!! UGH.. (OK it was just Felix, but still .. he was hot in a Pee Wee Herman kind of way)
What is wrong with me???

Here and now, I am swearing on my pocket rocket AND my beloved purple bunny I will be leaving this young hot Asian boy alone. I will not be corrupting this boy with my monkey love..

You are welcome Lisa.. (Hot Asian boys mother)

This is further proof...

......That my interesting personality developed in more then one of me ma's kin...

This is my sister and her new BEAU Jack.

Follow the simple steps to watch me corrupt Jiji

1. Tilt head to the left
2. Press the arrow to play
3. laugh ..she is a funny girl

PS that was authorized chocolate

Is the entire population going crazy?

So. I went to get my hair done on Thursday.. and as you know, the entire week prior to the appointment, I am filled with hours of anxiety and self doubt. I have had appointments where all I could think of to share was what had happened on one of the lame TV shows I obsess over...(i.e. The Hills, On the Record) and MyLan looks at me and condescendingly says she doesn't have time to watch TV. GRRR. To avoid this, I seriously take time to evaluate what I have been up to since my last appointment. I try a few stories with my friends at work to see how they will play out.
The appointment started out well. As I was changing into a smock, A gentleman walked in on me. I was startled.. Ran out of the changing room and ended up not tying my smock tight.
I sat down in the chair and MyLan approached. She was all smiles and asked what I wanted. When I explained I wanted more red in my hair, she freaked. She said she hadn't planned on putting red in and had only planned for a blond highlight. I told her I wanted the red. I wasn't going to pay the woman 170.00 for anything other then what i wanted. So, she went away in a huff to mix the colors. When she came back, she sternly said.. OK, I need to concentrate on your hair, so, I am sorry, but I can't chit chat with you.. HUH? Wait, bitch.. what? I was a little ..tiny bit.. pissed off at the bitch. I mean I don't care if I talk to her at all. I mean she does a sweet hair dooo.. But, the dream appointment is that I get a cup of coffee.. listen to Jet.. and the bitch does what I pay her to do.. That whole thing rubbed me the wrong way.. grrrr.

Then, I was in the back.. waiting for my hair color to take and I had to pee... when I flushed, I stared in horror as the poorly tied tie on my smock went
........(to be continued)

Go Ba-Mo!

Ga ZOINKS!

Let me talk to the ladies for a moment...

Hey friend... You know when you are going to the market to get the Pons or the anti-itch cream, you scope out the lanes to see which one is run by a chick. You don't need to be judged when you got the itchies or the lady sickness.. I happened to be at the local Safeway .. when I remembered I had to get the Pons. I like the big rocket shaped ones with the pearl glide insert thingie. Now, ladies, you understand.. Right? the importance of a gentle glide.. I don't want some hottie cashier knowing that I like the gentle glide!! You gots to at least buy me dinner to have that kind of knowledge...
So, I am scanning the lanes, with a BIG OL box of the pons in my hand .. when I spy the back of a lady with a super cute bob hair dooo. I get into the lane and place all my things on the belt.. As I looked up into my cashiers face, I realized.. well, it was a boy. Yes, the boy had lil bee sting boobies, a really pretty shade of red lipstick on.. and a sparkley pair of blue earrings.. BUT IT WAS A MAN... I looked for a name tag.. but it wasn't in site.. (the bitch) I made my little transaction.. and left.. as I was leaving the bag boy caught my eye and gave me a knowing glance.. like he had no clue either.. I am literally perplexed.. Safeway is horribly expensive and I love buying stuff in BULK at the Costco.. but I am drawn to this heshe .. I must find out more.. I mean maybe its Safeway's new marketing idea.. to DRAW people in..

PS.. Find out heshe's name and you win a PRIZE.. Safeway on Hamilton and Meridian.. Love ya BYE!