babies.. I don't need no stinkin babies

Pepper-lina silly billy Almeida

Venti Cappuchino Doe

You know, I understand the beauty of making babies.. and the true awesome thing creating and growing a new human being inside your innards (ew.. ALIENS!).. But, honestly.. right this very second.. I am content.. content loving MY BABIES. so, they didn't come out of my wazoo.. I mean seriously.. If you aren't a dog person YOU WON'T.. & really are incapable of understanding .. I LOVE these dogs.. they are my babies.. and I thank the good lord for blessing me with them. As my crazy friend, Drea says.."I am Blessed.."

The return of da moose

Ice cream is good. This man, the Shwanny man.. brings it to me.. Delivers it to me.. It is amazing.. I mean it is carb friendly ice cream... and the best part it tastes like it is chalk full of carbs.. De-damn-liscious ice cream.. and the shwanny man is a cutey patootey.. even if he scams me on the price of the ice cream.. one week its $4- .. and the next its $6. I think he is trying to get me hooked.. and then when I HAVE to have it, he raises the price. He is a modern day drug dealer.. He deals Butter Pecan.. That sounds kinda stoop. It should have a cool name.. I am hyped up on the Buttcan... Hmmm.
I think I might need to schedule one of those A&E interventions.. Hi, I am Meghan and I am hyped up on the Buttcan.. hmm.. Speaking of being messed up.. doesn't my head look HUGE? I mean he is a petite lil flower and all, but I look like, er .. a.. dare I say MOOSE? (heavy sigh) I think I am destined to remain a moose forever.. even if they sucked 3.5 pepsi jugs out of each thigh...woe is me.. the cross I bear.

These are them..

I can't exactly ever really use them. They betrayed me. If they had any loyalty, they would have fell on the nasty ass floor.. or got locked in the car.. but, no.. I mean I have to consider that they went through a load of shit (literally) to find there way back to me.. But, come on. The mere fact that they were in a Starbucks crapper for well over 24 hours is kinda creepy. (crappy?) The grooves were filled with goop.. and I had to wonder was the goop there prior to the attempted escape? I had to borrow a pair of Vic's chicken eatin gloves to extract them from this glorious 'bucks bag .. I carefully removed them from the ring.. and then bathed them in Clorox.. Of course the Gods looked down on me and chuckled.. as I plunked the keys in a splash came up and hit my Jet shirt.. DAMN.. The one good thing.. out of this whole friggen thing?? The car entry thing.. the thing good 'ol Paul was going to charge me $147 to replace... still works!! Honda Rocks.. Love me some Honda!

um.. hello?

So, I was sitting here watching a rather memorable Seinfeld .. Waiting for the new Chris Rock show to come on.. (I am a slave to T.V., you know.. ) and my phone rang. The display read..."STARBUCKS"... Oh great! In a split second, I need to decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I need to decide if I should face the humiliation and find out the plumbers findings. As the young chipee introduced herself.. (I think her name was Kelly or Morgan or some stupid thing) she recounted my horrific experience, as if I would forget my ordeal... "Hi, this is "insert stupid name here" .. Um.. well, I am a worker at Stabucks .. the one on Almaden and Curtner. Yesterday you were here and you flushed your keys down the toilet.. well, er.. anyways.. the plumber was here today.. fer sure.. and he got your keys.. so, we are open until 11:00.. can you come by and get them?"
Ok why the urgency? Are they coated in a film of sludge? Are they smellin up the place? I have to wonder, do I really want these keys back? I mean they have been where no man should go.. (except a well paid custodial artist).. Anyways, The Morgan kelly person was waiting for a response.. and I told her I would be by tomorrow.. She mentioned she would put them in the safe.. and the barista on duty (wait, what? The Barista on duty???) could get them out for me.. I think I will have a sleepless night! What if I am expected to pay for this plumber? Should I change my name and move to Mexico? (Damn I knew I should have paid attention is espanol)I fear I will be the target of constant ridicule if I stay here.. "Hey there is key poo girl.." woe is me.. wait, it is 7:55.. gots to go watch the CR show. Peace out! Decision will come soon..

Any thoughts on my new name... Juanita Cruz Muy Bonito ?? Catchey, eh?

Who cares about rewinding... Be kind, FLUSH!

Wednesday game days are always interesting. I cant really head home, because the dogs freak out and I don’t like leaving them once I am home. (there little faces are so sad...) So I leisurely headed to the game from work.. I had PLENTY of time. I stopped at Rotten Robbie and filled up the elephant, got a ceaser salad from JITB and my final stop was Starbucks to get my 4th Café Americano of the day. I found a sweet spot in the front of the lot and proceeded to go inside. The line was kinda long, so I decided to take a pit stop before I ordered. I went inside the ladies room and secured myself into one of the stalls .. As I examined my surroundings, I discovered its previous occupant left a small calling card.. The water in the bowl had a scary yellow tint.. Normally, I would leave and select another stall but I was feeling especially good hearted. I would be a good citizen and deal with the dregs of bathroom society.. the peeps that don’t have good manners.. I WOULD FLUSH! I placed my keys on the back of the tank... flushed the toilet .. and proceeded to remove my pants.. to my horror, the toilet was turbo powered and the tank began to rattle. The movement of the tank caused my keys to lunge forward and they were catapulted into the bowl. I watched in disbelief as my keys went DOWN THE TOILET. It seemed to happen in slow motion.. Kinda like when buck wheat got shot on SNL.. I heard myself say OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOO!
My delicate hand shot into the bowl.. a bowl that has probably seen a million nasty asses.. and I jammed it as far down the pipe as it would go. NO KEYS. I froze.. what was I going to do? How was I going to get to my quakes game?? How was I going to get into the Alves Fortress? I go to the counter and after the guy stops laughing .. he gets the manager who tells me she will call a plumber.. A PLUMBER?? Go get my mo fo keys!!! Damn. Damn. Damn. Well....... needless to say, my brother did come get me.. I was able to convince Ms Alves I did actually live next door and she let me in.. I got the spare key and got to the game on time. Shew.
The Quakes won by the way. I guess I took one for the team. My shitty experience allowed them to win.. Karma, right?

Getting naked for a facial?

On Sunday .. I woke up at an ungodly hour and drove to SF to get a facial with my sister.. Loved the place.. very serene.. tranquil.. but it never occured to me that I would have to get naked for a facial. Did something escape me? FAC-ial .. FACE .. Why do my boobs have to be flappin in the wind.. really now.. My sister claims if you are au natural.. the experience will be more relaxing.. baloney! I don't like to be naked in places other then my designated naked zones.. (Actually, come to think of it, with the surgery that I just had, I have been naked far too many times outside my zone .. MUST regain sanctity of zone and leave clothes on.. mental note made) .. anyways, I went into the place all freaked out.. and I decided I was going to tell the perv facialist that I WOULD not be undressing.. and my facial will be for my FACE.. I was ready !! I walked in, the lady pointed to the "drape" and I said ...m'k.... I FOLDED .. I am a naked chicken baby.. !! To top it all off, I have my wicker sandals on that make my feet real stinkee.. as long as I keep them on, I am kewl.. BUT NO.. Had to take the shoes off.. OK, I am not relaxed at all.. Totally consumed with the idea that Jonie, my tatooed Japanese facialist, can smell da funk of my feet and is speeding up my 75.00 facial to get me out of dodge.. serenity is mine...

Jillian Susanna Kuehnel

Isn't this the cutest baby EVER? And the really creepy part about it, she is still INSIDE my sister.. Soon, I will be an aunt, again.. and I will be all up into this girl.. I already have bought a shit load of stuff for her.. Of course we can't tell Dad (Frank) because he believes all a child really needs is a potato sack and a abicus.. (weird German thing)
Anyways, she seems real now.. not just my sister getting a lil wide around the edges..

Being an LA Galaxy girl

So, I was trolling the net, as I often do.. and I was on the Quakes site .. which unfortunately has a link to the LA Galaxy site.. I happen to click on the hyperlink and I found myself in a maze of craziness. I was looking at the player stats and came across this horrific photo..
This was once my soccer mentor.. the UBER player.. now look at him, look at what the L.A. smog has done to him.. he, dare I say it, looks a little frightening.. Kind of like the type of boy you AVOID.. hmm .. Kinda feel bad for him..
ANYWAYS, so I found out that they are having a little contest to find the new Ms. L.A. Galaxy.. Kind of like a beauty contest for the weird soccer crowd.. any who, I was perusing the application and one of the questions was ... What size babydoll shirt do you wear? Is that now part of the criteria? To wear clothes for little bitty people.. The name alone, "baby-doll" kinda makes you think of a wee girl...And it was multiple choice!! My size wasn't even listed.. I feel a stern letter is in order.. Yet another reason to hate the Galaxy!

Did not disappoint:part 2

Nic: Are you going to be my girl?

Meghan: Yes, Nic. Anything for you. And I do mean anything!

My ONLY complaint about the concert tonight ... Jet opened for Oasis and they only played for an hour.. I love Jet .. they are so hot.. I peed myself a little.

Special note to Nic Cester.. (see photos) .. If you are in need of someone, namely me, to carry your offspring.. I am more then willing to take you, er.. it on.

:)
Peace out.

Did not disappoint: part 1

Evil Chivas fans starting a smoke riot..

Yeah! we scored! (note Chivas player collapsed in background)

Saturday night was the Quakes game .. Every seat in the house seemed to be filled..
The smell of goat on the barbie was in the air... You guessed it...The Quakes fricaseed Chivas 3-NOTHING! .. Woo Hoo. Chivas were eliminated from the playoffs and we are STILL number 1..

Coolest weekend EVER!

(Jet)

I know you will be TOTALLY jealous ..You so want to be me, don't you? (It is ok.. come to terms with it.. I have! To be honest, I rather enjoy it)..

This very weekend I am blessed to not only be going to an Earthquakes game ..

Where the very hot Brian Ching will finally be playing.. where yours truly will be wearing the practice jersey of said player.. (which I may have inadvertantly guilted Alexi Lalas into giving me.. a story for another time) (heavy sigh)

I will also .....

be in attendance of the hottest rock concert EVER! Thanks to a lil friend-o-mine.. (I say friend, you say scalper) .. I have the distinct pleasure of sitting very very close to Mr Nic Cester. Who Is Nic Cester you ask? Well, he is ONLY the lead singer of a little band called JET! You probably know their music... hmmm.. They only have a bunch of awards.. lets see..

Album Of The Year – Jet ‘Get Born’ Single Of The Year – Jet ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ Best Group – Jet ‘Get Born’ Breakthrough Artist Album – Jet ‘Get Born’ Breakthrough Artist Single – Jet ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ Best Rock Album – Jet ‘Get Born’

Are you sensing a pattern?

ANYWAYS, WHERE WAS I?

My darling Nic claims that not too long ago (before they hit it big) him and his bandmates were construction workers down under.. You know driving a HO! Sweet,eh.. makes me all tingley!!!

So I got to thinking, as I often do.. I wanted a little "meet and greet" of my own.. I wanted Mr Cester to construct a few things on my down under.. Drive this ho around about.. So, I got to writing a letter to the peeps at the Shoreline.. I have yet to hear from them..(can you imagine?) So, if someone could pass along this message to Nic, please let him know that he can hit me down under any time his little heart desires.. Eh,mate?.... wink wink ... nudge nudge..

Catch me in section 102 BABY! I will be the cutey giving you the come hither glances.. MEOW!

I am shameless

So I got a little scared when this.. the photo of me and my second husband, got so far down on the page that it was almost archived.. SO, I decided.. being that I decide stuff.. I will repost for all to enjoy. Did I mention he played tonight.. He is finally all better and they won 2-0 against F.C. Dallas.. Woo Hoo. go Ching! AND it did happen, just like I had hoped.. the announcer was able to say.. Ching passed it to Chung.. Peace Out!

My hippy dippy sister..

Ok. So, we went "shopping" today.. Personally, it was a weird sensation going into a store and not actually buying anything.. I don't think that I have ever really done that.. But my sister is having a baby.. and therefore she needed to touch the things she had put on her E-registry list... (Mental note.. seriously consider having baby as gifts are received.....Love Gifts)
The day was pretty fun, we had lunch .. My ma,sis,granny and me.. But a few things were ..AGH!
What is up with this expectant mother parking.. What a crock. I mean if you are a chick you pretty much have a free pass to park here.. Is someone going to honestly ask you to pee on a stick?? I hung around this one car just to see the lady get out.. If I had some balls, I woulda called her on it.. I think it is intended for the 3rd trimester.. not when you had unprotected sex last night and it coulda took..
Another thing ........... how reaally scary some of these chicks are!!! It is truly scary that some of these people are breeding.. have you seen these chicks.. I am talking freaky deaky people!!! There should be rules.. I mean I think you have to go through more hoops to adopt a dog then to breed..!