slightly sad

So, the hot beefy Jared did respond to my offer of a mix tape.. I have a weird feeling that this will be yet another unrequited love.. sigh..



My Email to Jared:

The sad thing? What do I do for fun? Talk to you!
I was completely honest when I said that I missed you.. the LIVE 105 type station on Sirius is Alt Nation 21.. and the DJ's are really bad.. I miss the little "relationship" I had with you..I would turn on the radio on my hellish commute home.. and you would make it soooo much better.. (ROOT!) With Dane Cook.. and Mitch Hedberg (how sad) and your HOT voice.. (sigh) the time would FLY! I would talk about you to my peeps like we was tight friends.. when I heard you today it all came flooding back.. And my little face beamed!
I would love to be your slightly insane, but totally harmless stalker.. you know .. send you mix tapes (like back in the day..) and love letters.. (I want to get a taste of your candy pants, etc..) Wouldn't that be sweet?

Much Love,
Meghan

PS Love that you are into Brunettes.. Alyssa is So HOT.. freaky website music, though.

His response:

You are sooo amazing. thanks for the love! It feels good. Warm and fuzzy like. Hope your day was good. Be in touch and thanks for tuning back into the FM!

- Jared




(did you notice I wrote like a novel.. and he wrote like a blurb? Poo on Jared.

LOVE me some Jared!

Jared/ LIVE 105 DJ

I was driving home.. on the 87.. as I usually do.. when, for the first time, dear reader.. NOTHING good was on Sirius to listen to.. Hard to believe, I know.. like a gazillion stations and not one that tickled my fancy.. Right at that moment.. I decided to visit my old haunt.. LIVE 105.. The voice of my dear old friend came over the air waves.. JARED .. Now, I don't know him personally but I do feel close to him. He has shared the commute home with me every day for what seems like forever. He is my kind of people.. and his taste in music matches mine exactly.. its freaky..
While he was talking about some silly topic.. I started missing him. Ever since I got Sirius, I NEVER listen to Terrestrial radio anymore. There isn't much point... Except, that is, for Jared. Jared is the hottest little monkey this side of the equator.. So, as I am driving.. I pick up the old cell.. and dial his number. Well, not HIS number, but the stations number.. 415-478-LIVE.. the number has been burned on my brain.. for years and years of trying to be the 10th caller.. sigh.. ANYWAYS.. My sweet Jared answers.. and I tell him that I can't lie.. I got Sirius.. and I haven't been listening to him for a long time.. But I went on to say that I miss him.. I really miss him. .. I spend like 1/2 an hour telling him what a hot little monkey he is.. I think I might have a new boyfriend.. I told him I would be faithful to him.. and not listen to ANY other "regular radio" personality.. I promised to be like totally monogamous.... i think we might be going around.. Maybe I will make him a mix tape..

Jill .. toasty warm

Time for NIC!

Hot.. come kiss me lips, huh?

Yes, it is true.. I am not perfect!

See I am not lazy, its just my eye

Today was my annual eye doctor visit. Its basically the same old story.. I get all crazy because my doctor insists on taking me for a ride.. I was hell bent on not spending any money..(no really) because I am really trying to be good and save money.. (I know, whats the point?? But, dear reader, I am trying to be mature!) I walked in with my head held high.. and he knocked me on my ass the 2nd I walked in the door.
Apparently, unbeknownst to me, the eye can tell a whole lot about whats going on inside the rest of your body.. My doctor, little Scott Feldman, had this really cool way of taking a picture of my eye.. from the inside out.. and he could tell me if I had some dreadful disease.. !! The only catch?? The insurance company doesn't cover it.. Hmm? What should I do.. I started to think.. maybe I have some disease that could be caught and cured for a mere 39.00 !! Isn't my life worth more? Of course.. Put it on my tab, I say.
(Took the test.. pictures look great.. Can I take a bad picture?? no problems)
I walked into the exam room.. and he immediately say my eyes look haggered.. He said they were all red and he needed to get me the new lenses that all the smart people were wearing..The new lens is called Oasis.. kewl!! (wait, where was I when this new lense came out? I am smart! I need this lense..!) Put it on my tab, I say!
The doctor then started lecturing me about how stupid I was for wearing eyeliner on my lower lid.. I yell back if John Cougar Mellencamp's wife/Model can wear it that way, so can I.. hmph.. he said.. HMPH? Apparently, it is blocking up my tear ducts and my eyes are really dry.. I need re-wetting drops, he says.. Put it on my tab, I say!
I walked out of the examroom, and was met by the PERKY office manager.. She said, you know, Meghan.. you are eligible for a free pair of glasses.. Now, I never ever wear glasses. I hate them.. I feel like I am in a box.. So, I said I didn't need them.. Then she said.. What about sunglasses?? Hmm.. What about sunglasses?? That would be so cool! When I want to run out and not put my contacts in, I can slap on a pair of dark glasses.. !! I said YES.. But I could hear my friend Lisa's voice in my head.. and I quickly said, Please show me ONLY what my insurance covers.. I thought I was safe.. I picked out a pair of Ralph Lauren jobbers.. and I was on my way.. NOT QUITE.. How could I order a pair of glasses without the scratch proof shit.. and don't forget the polaroid lenses thing.. Cha CHING.. My tab, initially ZERO .. was now up to 218.00!!! AGH! Can I not go anywhere without blowing my load??? My cooter visit is soon.. what in the sam hill are they going to sell me there? Sphincterine? butt plugs?? HELP!

Expanding my plea...

When people find out I L-O-V-E Howard Stern, they often ask why.. They usually say he is disgusting, degrading and not worth anything. I vehemently disagree with any and all negative things said. Why, you ask dear reader???? Because Howard Stern is me. Hold on,dear reader, I am not implying I am a 6'5 Jewish Man.. I am in fact, saying that he represents everything I am .. and everything I want to be.
As far back as I can remember .. The drum in my head has never quite gone along with anyone else's beat. I have always wanted to explore who I was .. and by doing so, I often find myself on the oposite side of the "popular" view. Howard says what he wants.. and isn't afraid of anything.... I want to be that kind of person.. Where my inner voice is the loudest.. and the one that matters most.
So, dear reader, I extend to you the same question.. What are you waiting for. GET SIRIUS!

Lisa.. what are you waiting for?

Wait, they have thorns?

As I turned the corner of my street.. I noticed Vic's car was in the driveway. Was he sick? Did the free 7ft tree come to life and maime him? Did pepper hump him into unconsciousness? Apparently, he took the day off to get things done.. He didn't tell me.. Maybe he was concerned I would rush home and expect him to spend time with me.. (sigh) Anyways, I came in.. and did my normal after work routine.. ate dinner (by myself).. took a shower.. (by myself) .. and then turned on the tele to watch the fab Greta Van Susteren on The Fox News Channel.. (did I mention she and I are email buddies??) Anyway, as I often do, I fell asleep.. and when I awoke.. at about 945 ..(had to get up and see Project Runway) I came out to the kitchen and found a dozen roses.. A day late.. and the MO FO ones with thorns.. BUT he did get something for me.. I wonder which one of my friends called and guilted him into this.. hmmm.. I can hear the conversation..
"Please Victor.. Get her SOMETHING.. She won't shut up .. Blah blah blah.. Damn, I will even give you cash.."
(heavy sigh)

I almost forgot to share!!

Dear reader, first let me say .. that my Starbucks Romance seems to be back on track.. and better then ever.. Even though my putz husband doesn't see my fab star qualities, my Starbucks lovah, has returned from vacation. I imagine he was in his (hopefully one day OURS) beach house upstate..

I will paint the picture for you..
I ordered my Venti Americano.. and patiently waited for the Barista to make my beverage..
All of the sudden, the door swung open.. and in walked candy pants.
I think I might have giggled with delight..
The Barista had to call my name several times, as I was in a goofy haze.
I mixed my 1/2 and 1/2 in.. and as I walked out.. I locked eyes with him.. and gave him a smile..
Come to think of it, it WAS a good Valentines day!!
Ciao.

Apparently Names are necessary.

In my humble opinion, those who believe that Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday, are the dorks and losers who refuse to love a woman the way a woman should be loved.
As I walked into my front door this evening, I was met by my sister-in-law. She was walking down the path from my mother-in-laws house next door....She asked knowingly, "did my brother do anything for you?" And I asked her "what do you think" .. A conversation commenced about how she believed that men should not need a holiday to be romantic with their wives (this coming from a never-been-married 45 year old)..
I believe this is true, BUT ..hello? Vic ain't no Dean Martin.. he isn't looking deep into my eyes ..while belting out a tune about me being hot like Pasta Fazoole.. I figured I could count on 1 day .. 1 FRICKEN day a year where a little romance would come my way. Think about it.. The unromantic putzes have a fool proof holiday to score a few points .. EVERYTHING is prepackage and at every store..
Is it so difficult to think of someone other then yourself..? OK you dont believe in Valentines Day... But can't you take the time to make your wife feel special? Is that so much to ask??
I called Vic ...when I finally got inside.. (Linda, sister-in-law, is a talker.. blah blah blah quit my job to go on Star Search.. blah blah blah) and told him to call the florist because there was obviously a huge mistake.. as I had not received my flowers.. With a laugh, he said the tree was my gift. The tree you ask? Well it was a FREE tree.. that I arranged for..
I have to interject a little story here... my old office is closing .. and the word was out that all the old office plants were up for grabs. I snagged a 7ft HUMONGOUS tree.. and asked Victor to go pick it up.. (in his pickup truck) ..
I am a total believer in the journey being part of the gift.. but Vic didn't know about the tree until EARLIER TODAY! What does that tell you, dear reader? (heavy sigh)

Not naming names, but....

I BEST BE GETTING SOME FLOWERS TOMORROW..

NUFF SAID?

Seriously! What is the point?

All day I had to field the most annoying question imaginable..

"Are you going to watch the Grammy's?"

My standard answer, of course, was what is the point? Music, today.. is ridiculous. I absolutely abhor American Idol.. The mere thought that Kelly Clarkson was nominated.. sickens me. Music has become such a joke. A JOKE! I get so pissed when I want to talk to someone about music and they bring up some country monster or, god forbid, an American Idol "winner". (totally subjective term)

Rather then sit through the "show", which would inevitably irritate me more, I watched my new Net Flix selection. I am a new member of the Flix cult.. and I cannot be happier. I didn't want to subscribe because I thought it was a huge waste of time.. Boy was I wrong. The movie that I saw this fine evening was the End of the Affair .. my darling 3rd husband .. Mr Ralph Fiennes..plays the lead charectar (note to new readers, I am currently on hubby #1) The movie had an exceptional story,.. And Ralph Fiennes has got to be the kickenest piece of male meat out there. His eyes scream romance.. and his smoking lil bod could (and should) rock my world.. I only have one issue. I have noticed in ALL the films I have seen him in..(The English Patient, Maid in Manhattan, The Constant Gardner, Spider, Red Dragon..) his hands are freaky.. the thought of his delicate, manicured fingers touching my bod, kinda creeps me out..his fingernails are HUGE.. (ew)I am trying to determine if this is something I can overlook..There is something to be said for a pair of nice.. thick .. Man hands.. I have this sinking feeling that I will be Seinfelesque and obsess over the hands.. Damn.. look at his face though (see photo above) .. the hands are a distant memory ..and did I mention? they showed his ass in the end of the affair.. I want to take a big juicy bite!!! Its all meaty and tasy and DEEE-licious!
OK.. I have totally lost my train of thought.. where was I? Where is that pesky neutrogena dermabrasian thing... (wink, wink.. nudge, nudge)

Ribbit.. Ribbit!

As the 2006 MLS season approaches, the reality that the Earthquakes are gone is becoming real. I decided 1/2 heartedly to become a fan of Houston 1836 (lame name) because I love the players .. and love the sport. (The team didn't give up on SJ, the MO FO Owners did)
I took a look at the site, www.houston1836.com, and was a little crushed that the guys seem to be at home in their new digs.. There were already pictures, with captions that read.."Houston 1836'er goalie Pat Onstadt signs autographs..." or " 1836er forward Alejandro Moreno scores a goal.." I was a little tore up! As I wiped a tear from my eye, a new email came into my box.. (freaky coincidence) The email was an update from SSV. SSV stands for Soccer Silicon Valley... they are the fan based group that is working to get a new MLS team for San Jose.. As I read the email, I was delighted to find out that San Jose has a new MINOR league team.. The San Jose Frogs!! (who knew) They apparently play at PAL stadium.. which is my old stomping ground.. !! (heavy sigh) .. The Megster has some fabulous memories in that place.. (SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES!)
So, dear reader, one door might close..but another frog has come 'a' hopping into view.. Ribbit.. Ribbit.

A MOTHER'S WORST NIGHTMARE!

I say this with a heavy heart.. I think , my daughter.. Venti Cappuchino Doe-Almeida, is a trollop.

I was laying in bed watching Kathy Griffith's stand up special on Bravo. (she is one funny chick!)
I was seduced by the warmth of the room.. and the softness of the pillows.. I would laugh at one of her jokes.. and then fall into a semi asleep state... I was not completely out.. but my dear Chino thought I was in one of my benedryl induced comas and she decided to make her move..

I need to preface this adminition by saying, I forever blame Pepper for everything bad that happens.. Anything that can be attributed to a Canine- American, is Pepper's fault. How dare anyone even imply that my dear Chino would be even capable of dasterdly deeds!!!

ANYWAYS, I opened my eyes just in time to see Chino, the light of my life, my little pumkin butt ...hop down to the end of the bed.. where Pepper was laying.. and flop her fat little body ..belly up... right in front of Pepper.. Pepper, startled by the activity, woke up to little Chino's cooter right in his face! I had to stop the little harlet in her tracks .. Imagine if I hadn't! What would have happened? AGH!

What is a mother to do?

Jill is almost 3 months! Can you believe it??

Note shirt.. I LOVE MY AUNT..

Jill Adores Mommy

But can only handle daddy in small doses

Jilly is very flirty..

& already wants to drive!

She Loves to be the center of attention..

(Where does she get that?)

I love Jilly!

Wasting away

Yesterday was a pretty sad day. I came to the realization that my Starbucks romance was all in my head.. and that Vic was most likely never going to love me the way that I want to be loved. I asked him why he didn't like spending time with me.. and he said because I was annoying.. The man that is suppose to love me.. thinks I am annoying.. There isn't really any way to look at that word in a positive light.. Its hard to believe the 5 m inutes a day I spend with him could annoy him, but apparently it does.

What do I want, you ask? I want the kind of love in Brokeback Mountain.. Where the love is unavoidable.. and undeniable.. where you can't get enough of the other person.. and it tears you apart when you aren't together... Is that so much to ask?

I don't want to waste away waiting for it. This hot beyotch won't be a hot beyotch forever, you know!

The romance is over.

It seems that my Starbucks romance is over.
It has been several days, and Mazda convertible man is no where to be seen.
The last time I saw him, I was walking in.. and I held the door for him.. I think it was Tuesday...
I thought if I got there a little earlier, we could share the "waiting for our drink" time.. But, I didn't run into him at all.. and I must admit, I took my time adding the 1/2 and 1/2 .. and the Splenda.
Today, I didn't change my routine.. didn't hurry, or anything. Just kept it really mellow- Still no Hottie. What is wrong with me? I can't even have a successful unrequited crush? Maybe I should take those classes at Good Vibrations on how to be a lesbian. I think chicks are really cool and alot less trouble. They are pretty .. and smell good.. and soft.. and I think Vic would really like it if I was crushing on a chick.

Realization

Moose is normal habitat

Eventhough I am one HOT sexy beyotch.. I think I might be a little, dare I say, a little dull?!?!?
I say this, dear reader, because over the weekend I had lunch with my sister, her baby, her husband.. and 2 of their friends. My sisters husband is literally a rocket scientist.. and is NEVER at a loss for words.. This isn't a bad thing because he always has something interesting to talk about.. which keeps things fun. During lunch, everyone was chatting wildly about random topics .. Rich, one of the other friends, decided that he didnt know enough about me, so he asked what I was up to .. I HAD NOTHING! Now, If I am hanging out with telco people I am a laugh riot!!! (hey Lisa HA-CO?) but with rocket scientist, I am a dud! I need to get a hobby! Any ideas, dear reader? I am taking suggestions..............NOW.

First (of many) Revelations

Daniel V from Project Runway ..

Love him. Love geeky boys..

I discovered early in my married "life", that my personality.. the way that I am.. really wouldn't change. I guess in my head, being married meant that you became this weird type of boring mature adult. Now don't get me wrong... I love my husband with all my heart.. but if I want to obsess over unattainable rock stars or the cute boy at Starbucks, who's to say I can't? I know in my heart I will be married to Vic Forever.. (sigh) and we DO have a happy lil family.. (me,vic,pepper and chino..) But its time for me to be loud and proud

"My name is Meghan ..

(Insert, Hi, Meghan)

..Nic Cester and the Starbucks Man get my juices flowin..."

I think you are pretty well educated on who Nic is.. and if you arent.. SHAME on you!! So, here is the 411 on my other new Crush.. The Starbucks Man ...

I go to the Same Starbucks and see the same people.. Monday thru Friday.. SAME SAME SAME.. (are you getting this?) The other day, I noticed a nice change .. I was standing in line.. when I noticed this fella who had exceptional hair.. I mean I love MAN hair.. (not v carpets on the chest or "wait, he's naked? I could have sworn he was wearing a sweater!") Hair like on Anthony Kiedes of RHCP..or Michael Hutchinson (may he RIP) of INXS.. This Starbucks guy had beautiful hair.. the kind you grab and pull a little while you are smooching on him.. (HEAVY sigh) He dresses really sharp, too.. (not like he is doing it in the dark..) And drives a bitchin convertible.. Anyways.. ever since that fateful day, He smiles .. I smile..He leaves.. I swoon.. its sweet.. it gives me a little bounce in my step.. Like, hey I STILL GOT IT GOING ON.. BUT, dear reader, this morning.. he wasn't there..The Gods must be angry.. the world must be out of alignment.. My entire day was a BUST..

Please..Please...Please dear reader.. Say a prayer for me tonight that I may see my geeky boy tomorrow..