Have you noticed? or is it just me?

What has changed in the past few months, dear reader? I have awoken! I am totally hot for boys again. Being a boring old married lady had gotten me down for far too long and something has happened.. hmm.. any ideas, dear reader? Initially, I would write about daily hum drum things.. and all of the sudden, I cannot seem to say enough about Nic Cester's hot body.. or my desire to lick Snow Patrol's lead singer all over.. Yeah yeah yeah.. I know I can only really be all over Vic.. But nothing has changed on the home front.. so what is going on???
I know cats go in heat.. maybe I am in heat.. I haven't caught myself making the cat love shriek yet.. But wouldn't that be kewl if I started doing that? Me-ow! I am one hot.. er.. cat.. (I have to keep it clean for my under age reader) hmm. The first person who is able to translate the above Jet cartoon will have the pleasure of experiencing a Meggie love shriek up close and personal...
(Yes, dear reader, I have officially gone crazy)
01-01-06 **update**
Sadly, no one has taken me up on my offer. Not even Vic. I suppose it is because I am aging ever so quickly and there are far hotter fish in the sea. I fear I am becoming one of those scary old women who talks to her babooshka wearing dogs ... :(

another reason to upload a new Jet photo.

<---------------- Jet












<----------snow patrol







I think because it is the end of the year.. all the sentiments of a year gone by creep into my psyche.. I start thinking about what was best in the past year.. so, I start making lists.. (I think it might be part of my obsessive personality..) Anyways, here is yet another list.. It will most likely not be the last.. These are my absolutely cannot live without bands of the year 2005.. I often equate life experiences with the songs that I was listening to when I was going through shit.. so they mean alot to me.. A'Right?

1. Jet .....without question. There are times in a day that the only thing that will bring me down from the ledge is listening to the raspy, intoxicating voice of Nic Cester.. (ooh he is crossing over onto more then one list.. how kewl is that?) (see photo.. he is the one in the hat .. hands seductively in his pockets.. giving me the come hither look.. sigh)
2. Snow Patrol .. All of the sudden everyone is listening to these bloaks from Belfast. I was literally one of the first. One song in particular, Run, can bring me to tears.. I want to do naughty things to the lead singers bod-day! (see hottie in pink shirt)
3. Maroon Five .. I am not really into any of the boys.. BUT ALL the songs are deep and are totally written about me.. I know they are!!!! I mean "beauty queen of only 18?? " hello?

Thats it for now .. I am tired and must go rest..

The secret to my marriage

Many are aware of the list of 5..
Five names scribbled on a page.. that if given the opportunity, your spouse must look the other way, and allow an indiscresion..The initial conversation I had with Vic was in a restaurant.. and he excitedly wanted to have this list.. but he playfully decided that the 5 SUPER HOT waitresses at the restaurant were his pick.. sigh.. we have come a loooong way..

Here is my curent list of five..(in no particular order)

• Nic Cester .. The very hot lead singer of Jet.
• Brian Ching .. Smokin hot Hawaiian Forward on the ex-san jose quakes
• Benji Bratt .. Hello? No explanation needed.
• Chris Isaak .. Literally one verse of Wicked Games and I am jizzing all over
• Johnny Depp .. This boy could look at me a certain way and it would be ALL OVER!

And a special honorable mention goes to Marky Mark- WAY .. WAY too hot.. even for me.. But this is what dreams are made of ..as well as drained pocket rocket batteries.. buzz buzz!

I think I pee'd myself..

I wonder how many concerts in 2006 I can drag Vic too? Note to self.. YOU WILL RUSH THE STAGE THIS TIME!

Jet have declared that their forthcoming new album will blow their debut out of the water. In a recent interview with NME.COM, the band's frontman Nic Cester said that having taken 2005 off to concentrate on recording, the untitled album will easily supersede 2003's 'Get Born'. "We're just taking our time and making sure it's five times better than the first one," he told US radio station KRCW. His brother, drummer Chris Cester, added : "It's more mature. I think first and foremost would be lyrically, we've taken giant leaps. We've lived two years, buzzing around the world, that's life experience right there." The new record is pencilled in for release in Spring 2006 ..

I'd like to thank the academy...

(tiffany bracelet I am waiting for.................Merry xmas to me!)

My family are THANK YOU card whores..
I mean we send thank you cards for thank you cards.. I think it was partly to do with my grandfather being a postman.. you know we helped keep him busy..
The art of thank you card sending is on the outs.. so I would like to thank via the chronicle ... some exceptional gifts I received....

1) Shan-o .. Fabulous art piece of my pooches.. I have it PROUDLY displayed.. with all that is going on with Jill.. that you found time to make this is amazing..

2) Jilly .. Mai Tai body butter and body shimmer.. YUM! (note, if you see me licking myself .. now you know why!)

3) Dan-o .. My newest BFF .. I adore my shirt .. LAGUNA BEACH BEYOTCHES!! and it show cases the girls beautifully.

4) Lisa .. Lindsey Lohan ROCKS ( yes I am a closet LL fan, what of it?)

5) mom and gran .. The puffy shirt !! shut-up.. LOVE IT!

6) Steve and Lou ... Paris hilton never smelled as good as she does dripping from my hot bod!

7) Vic ...Journey twice to Tiff's to get my bracelet.. finally ordering it on line.. I CAN'T wait to get it..

Peace out.

I will take it the way I want to take it!

I would say about 10 years ago, I started training for a new job.. Completely new job, new office.. but same company. As the training period came to an end, the instructor said the people who currently do the job we were training for would be our biggest asset. She encouraged us to be friendly and make connections with these people.
Well, as you know dear reader, I am a go-getter.. as soon as I got on the "floor" (kewl office jargon).. I found out who the SME's were (subject matter expert.. another kewl office word) ..
I made a B-line to them and introduced myself and tried to make a connection.. One of the first people I spoke with was a fellow named Steve (fyi aka steve the stalker) . I was charming as usual.. and his immediate response to my clever introduction was, "I have a girlfriend.." I was dumbfounded.. I quickly surveyed my attire.. was a boob making an unplanned appearance?? Was I wearing my "tramp on the loooose" t-shirt? I just didn't get the response.. I said, um .. Thanks and walked away..
Over the years, it has become apparent to me that what I say or how I react to things are wildly misinterpreted. Case in point.. A week ago, I was exchanging gifts with a good friend of mine. He seemed to like the gifts I got him.. (FYI my gifts were of the non-threatening variety..T-shirt and booze.. totally safe gifts to give a man/friend ) Then it was my turn... I opened my gift and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't a Starbucks gift card (totally love these but doesn't really scream YOU ARE AN AWESOME FRIEND AND I KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT YOU THEN YOU LIKE COFFEE..) So, I said that I really loved it and I was surprised that he would be able to achieve such heights in gift giving.. (I mean most dudes have no clue) He responded with .. "Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea.." OK, huh? Why do guys have to ruin moments.. ? I mean it was a beautiful moment where I felt important and cared for.. you know? but then all I could think about was wrong idea? what wrong idea? maybe that I am a cool friend and nice to talk to .. maybe he is a better person for knowing me???
Hello? I am a boring married lady... I should have the right to have any idea I want.. jeesh.. throw a girl a bone!

What an ordeal

I treated myself to a hair cut this past week.. and I have to say it is becoming quite an ordeal. A day before my visit, I get all nervous.. I have to come up with interesting things to tell my stylist, Mylan. She asks me, without fail, what is going on in Meghan-land.. It turns into a whole big drama.. I start to realize that I got nothing going on.. And just this week, the things I do have, The Quakes and Howard Stern, went away.. I take solice that I have Sirius.. but still.. Its traumatic.. Change is always scary, anyways... Back to the haircut.. Mylan moved to a new place.. It use to be 5 color cowboy.. Really hot place.. The building use to be a bank .. and the ceilings go on forever.. and you just feel hip saying, "what? Oh yeah.. I get my hair done at 5 Color Cowboy..." She is now at a place called Loft A2.. which is completely misleading.. It should be crack den on 3rd. It is really nice inside.. a little small, but nice.. but getting there is scary.. Some gang bangers live across from it .. And I get the impression that they aren't too keen on whitey spending loads of money to get her hair done.. I have learned walk fast and don't look directly at them.. I also learned to not lock the door blatantly.. They get mad at that.. Don't want to enrage the gang banger.. They might make an exception, and not bang a gang.. but bang on me.. which isn't good .. ANy who.. So, after I tell Mylan that work is the same.. Home is the same.. we talk about T.V. .. which is really pretty sad.. Is that what my life comes down to? I mean I will tell her about my fav shows, which there are many, and she always says she hasn't caught it.. heavy sigh..

I think my hair looks really good.. it has a slightly different shape and no roots.. YEAH! Death to roots !!! And NO ONE NOTICED.. People suck. I need new cool friends..

(insert name here) Quakes

............an email received tonight .............

Dear Soccer Silicon Valley member: The roller coaster ride that we have all been on for the better part of two years is, in all likelihood, about to come to an end. Silicon Valley Sports & Entertainment (SVS&E), the group that manages the Sharks and one of the investors we have been working with for over a year, has been unable to work out a deal to keep the Earthquakes here for 2006, despite their best efforts. We understand that AEG intends to move the team and is expected to make an announcement in a press conference on Friday in Houston. There is a bit of hope. During our time on this project, a number of investors, several of whom are high-ranking executives in publicly-traded companies, have come to us and expressed a desire to team with other investors in purchasing the Earthquakes. Many of these investors have met with SVS&E, who were willing to serve as the lead investor in the venture and who have an ongoing business relationship with AEG. SSV's board members are working with these investors to determine their willingness to purchase and operate the team. We have already petitioned MLS and AEG for ownership of the Earthquakes' legacy--the team's name, colors, trophies, and history--if the team is relocated. When we first approached AEG with this idea in August of 2004, they indicated that they would be willing to do this. We expect that it is still true now. If the quality and passion of a team's fans were the only barometer of its success, the Earthquakes would be recognized as one of the best teams anywhere and the shining light of Major League Soccer. Unfortunately, the economic reality is that without a stadium, the Earthquakes cannot continue as a viable business. Thank you as always for your support. We will continue to keep you updated as events unfold. Yours in soccer, Colin McCarthy and the Founding Members of SSV: Don Gagliardi Jay Hipps Tony Huston John Jussen Carol Vartuli Marin Mike Turco

corrupting Jilly

Can you believe my sweet niece gave me the finger.. OK I admit I took like 500 pics of her while she was sleeping.. with the flash on.. but what if I miss one of her cute expressions? They claim its gas, but I swear she smiles at me.. her sweet little smile.. heavy sigh

Mental note.. I love that baby! Call Shan-o to see how she is.

Undisputed best baby EVER!

I genuinely feel bad for all other babies.. It is obvious that Jillian.. My little sweet niece, Jilly .... Is the most beautiful baby EVER ... they can stop those silly pageants and just send the prizes her way.. Its just not fair to those other babies.. leading them to believe they have a chance.. I mean really.

P.S. Shan-o, Please unblock my number.. I promise to stop stalking your baby!!

RIP Tookie

Today Arnold denied the clemency of Tookie Williams.. Now, don't get me wrong.. Tookie looks like one mean mother F'er.. and I DO NOT believe he should be out.. But I am a firm believer that we only have the right to decide who lives IN the society.. Not who lives on the earth... Tookie, you broke the rules.. therefore you can't live with us.. But to take his life? That is some heavy shit.. I mean .. HEAVY.. I totally freak out about not knowing what happens when we die.. and all that stuff.. so the state planning a murder.. down to the minute.. and serving appetizers and punch to the witnesses is horrific. It makes me so sad.

I would like to say only 2 things more about this.. (1) I pray that Tookie isn't afraid of death and knows that eventhough I don't condone his actions in the least, I do love him and hope there is an after life.. and he goes to heaven... AND (2) I would like to denounce my citizenship.. and start a free country.. where Murder is Murder .. and we don't Murder someone to show that Murder is wrong.. I shall call it Tookieville.

Drama queen to the white courtesy phone..

Have you ever watched Sesame street? I have to admit, its been a little while for me.. But they sang this song.. "Which one doesnt belong??" For the money, Monty.. Can you guess which one of these 3 fine ladies is a crack whore and doesn't belong? (I am so dramatic)
Why do I always look like I am on drugs or something.. I have my standard photo smile.. I guess over time the smile has deteriorated.. I am an old hag, I guess. Nobody loves me.. sniff snifff..

Ok .. My name is Meghan and I have a problem

Yesterday at work, they had a purse party in the cafe. Kinda freaky crap was being sold.. But because I am an experienced shopper, I was able to dig out some really awesome treasures. I happened upon a fabulous White wallet, with pastel pink C's.. A wonderful rendition of the Coach design. (Isn't it HOT???) The lady offered it to me at $45-.. HUH? Thats way too much.. Why buy a wallet when you will have nothing to out in it?? (good logic,eh?) So, I didn't buy it.. But I had a good plan..(Lisa said I got a little sneaky)... I emailed everyone I remotely liked at my office.. and advised them I was going to make it easy on them and let them know exactly what I wanted for Xmas.. Aren't I generous!!! I sent literally 50 emails out.. Most people laughed and just passed it off as another evil "Meghan" .. But 1 person actually went and got it for me.. Why do I now feel guilty? Mental note : work on eliminating empathy. Totally bad for party girl image.

Sleigh bells ring.. Are you listening?

So, I guess you know it is Christmas time once again. Baby Jesus was born and he saved us from eternal damnation.. etc..etc..etc... Loven the whole Jesus angle but am forever confused about what happened to the holiday.. Don't get me wrong, I love gifts.. Gifts of all shapes and sizes.. (specifically size 10 shoes, dear reader) But it is really sad when you think that in this day and age, Christmas is about getting an Xbox for Jimmy and not anything remotely religious. I read ..just today.. that the country will now refer to it as a HOLIDAY tree and not a Christmas tree..HUH? What is going on? Has everyone lost their minds?

God love my pooch...

Chino in Man eating Halloween Costume


My darling Chino has been banished from Grandmothers.. She must now spend her days at home and not venture out to doggie day care. I really feel bad for her because she gets up early every day.. hoping that this may be the day she gets to go .. My mom says her building went.."NO DOGS"... It is very strange that this ban came about the time that my dear Chino ate my mothers teeth.. HOW YOU ASK? Well, my mother.. My dear mother.... works nights and she often falls asleep in the AM in front of the tube.. One such day, she took her teefers out to wash em up (I spose) and fell asleep.. She had them in her hand .. and as she fell deeper into sleep, her grasp softened .. and the teefers fell to the floor.. Little Chino thought she hit the jackpot.. and went to town .. All the crunching and muching woke my mother.. She quickly realized what was going on and when she attempted to extract the teefers from my little dog, Chino growled and claimed the yummy set of teeth for herself.. When Chino was finally done.. little was left... Poor Chino

Hey YOU! Yeah YOU!

I know, dear reader, that I have been neglecting you.. But so very much has happened.. My normal hum drum life has been shot into outerspace. The most important event, of course, is the birth of silly billy Jilly..

I love this girl.

I apparently have a reputation of making her cry.. Everytime I hold her she starts to wail.. I think it has something to do with the bond she has with her ma. ...I can totally respect that.. I love me ma.. and would often cry when someone tried to keep me from her..

You can't ever break the bond between a person and their Ma. I am pretty sure its a lifes lesson or a rule somewhere..like in the Bible or The Oprah manual.

Thou Shalt not come between someone and there ma..

Stop right there, dear reader.. I know exactly what you are thinking... "How can the delightful Meghan say all this about MOTHERS when she hates her MIL??" I must tell you.. I do not come between Vic and his mother.. Just the opposite.. I give them all the time together they need/want.. etc. She can cook all the fish sticks his little heart desires.. (ew) I just had a one on one with the good Lord and told

him that he needs to assign me a new cross to bear, because she is way tooo much.. even if I was a Mother Theresa type.. NO ONE DESERVES TO DEAL WITH ALL THAT! (AMEN SISTER GIRL!!!!)

Sily Billy Jilly... AWAKE!

More Jillian..

With Mommy...

Jillian Susanna Kuehnel

I am in LOVE!!!

She is my new obsession.. !!
Isn't she fabulous!
9.6lbs! Kudos Shannon.. Natural childbirth if you can believe it!

I want dreads now, too!

Pando

I do hate L.A. and think it was a fluke that they won.
One GOOD thing is that Pando is the one that scored.. I have always liked Pando.. I think its his way cool hair.. So, to recap... not happy that New England didn't win.. (love Joesph) but am happy that Pando, my least hated L. A. player, scored the goal.. and Landon WAS shut down..

Oh Baby

No baby yet.. We were sure it would be Friday night .. as the contractions were different..... but they subsided... Shannon is getting a little tired of being pregnant and wants the next phase to start. (doesn't she just glow?)I think at this point, lil Jilly is just getting bigger .. so the whole idea of coming out of my sister's cooter is freaking her out. Tomorrow is induction.. so the ball will get moving ..regardless if Jilly is ready or not.
Today is the MLS cup.. I will sadly be watching it.. I pray that the L.A. Galaxy will lose horribly.. and Landon will be shamed and ridiculed.. all the way back to the Redlands.. and his pathetic "actress" (judgement call) girlfriend can soothe his broken ego..

Dont be cONcerned.. BUT I might have BrAin DamAge..

Today me and my ma drove up to the city to take Shannon to her last prenatal visit before the birth of lil Jilly... Frank-lynn needed to attend a super duper special Nasa meeting.. and we were more then happy to take Shan to her appointment. Lil Jilly is a few days late and everyone is very excited to finally meet her.. Her Ob/Gyn said she was ripe and the big mysterious plug was gone.. (I was completely grossed out at this point and started to hum to myself.. so I am not sure what else we learned).. We then headed over to the hospital for a stress test. The good people at California Pacific Hospital check to make sure there isn't a problem before one develops .. strange concept huh, Kaiser??.. ANYWAYS.. They looked in her tummy with the ultrasound machine.. and lil Jilly flashed her cooter at us.. She is apparently a little flamboyant.. Then they strapped on a heart beat monitor.. and some other dooo hickey that measures her movement and Shannon's contractions.. Everything looked great.. Jilly is just being stubborn..(I wonder where she gets that??) After they unhooked Shannon from all the machines, she stopped in the bathroom for her hourly pee break.. While Me and My Ma were alone in the exam room.. I took the little wand that they put on my sis's belly.. and placed it on my heart.. WOW!!!

What a fabulous ticker I have.. Powerful .. kick ass heart.. I guess I should have stopped there, because I placed the thing on my head.. I am not sure what I was expecting to see.. but the screen was blank..the machine made little pulsating noises.. and I am convinced that it might have tazzed some of my brain cells.. Does anyone have any research on this.. I would have asked the nurse, but then I would have had to admit doing it in the first place.. and I wasn't looking for a stern talking to... Woe is me..

Come on now Jilly!

So, my dear sweet niece Jillian has decide to be fashionably late.
She was due yesterday but I guess has decided to enjoy the warmth of the womb for a few more days. I guess she heard about the bitter cold November days in SF.. so she is holding out.. poor Shannon is READY TO GO! Lets hope tomorrow is the day.. 11-10-05 .. thats a fine day to be born,eh?

My girl is a woman

Little Chino is amazing.. (see photo of her first attempt to drive Mom's car)
She wants to be more independant, So, Rather then taking her to day care I let her stay home with her brother Pepper .. It seemed to be going well until I realized that my MIL has taken it upon herself to join them periodically throughout the day.. I haven't actually caught her IN my house.. but Chino has stopped speaking English!! I am pretty sure that my MIL is teaching her Portuguese.. I believe it is to piss me off ..Pure and simple .Just today I called to Chino and she went the other direction.. I was horrified.. I guess this is what Dr Phil was talking about.. You know.. Kids growing up and pulling away from their parents..I just didn't expect it so soon..
heavy sigh.

To commemorate the passing...

BIG BLUE

Pepper's cherished ballie.. Faithful friend.. I just couldnt save him.. A moment of silence for our fallen friend.

...Amazing grace, so sweet the sound..

We is 3 years legal.. and 8 years total, beyotch.

10-28-05

Can you believe it.. 3 years married? We spent the day as a family at Vasona with the babies.. Daddy and I walked around .. advising Chino and pepper that it would not be in their best interest to charge the flock of geese.. Primarily because they were horribly out numbered.. they were ALL over the place.. Forget about reproducing like bunnies, the new phrase is doing it like GEESE.. or gooses.. Not sure which is correct. I ended up ALMOST drowning.. well, ok.. I might be being a tad bit over dramatic.. (who me?) but Peppers ball went catapulting into the lake and I went rock climbing to retrieve it.. I got it the first time, but the second time it was swept out...

Keith Oberman was right,,

Keith is this way kewl T.V. guy who hosts the countdown show on MSNBC. He seems to genuinely have a good sense of humor and doesn't take things too seriously.. well, the other day he was talking about how Anna Nicole Smith was going to testify at the Supreme Court.. His deadpan response to this statement was.. The apocalypse was here.. I feel that way right now! The Galaxy beat the Rapids 2-0.. they are going to the Cup. AGH!

I have decided that this means NOTHING .. and the REAL result was captured one fine day in October.. (see photo) I think I need to put on those snazzy, sparkly red Star Jones shoes and tap them together.. There is no place like home.. There is no place like home...

Friends are like flowery petals or some crap like tha...

So this is me and Bren.. She is way kewl.
She is the staff associate in our office.. She basicallyis the glue that keeps us all together.
She would sing to me "I like BIG butts..." and I would shake and dance.. but now since my operation, she sings .."I like medium butts..." I try and do a modified cabbage patch.. Meggie style.. I also Love that she changes her hair style all the time.. and every time she does she looks like a completely different person.. the picture above is chic', artistic Bren.. Sometimes she wears corn rows and she is ultra political .. "I ain't gonna take no shit.." Brenda.. and then sometimes she has a "LUCY" comb out and church lady Brenda is born.. talking about how GOD brings you to it and you can get through it.. (whatever) ... ANYWAYS.. much love to Brenda.. And I must say watch out you shirtless runners.. and by all mean no nose picking while you is driving!!! She will call you out FO SHO! (peace out Bren)

Before the game

Look at the happiness on my face! The world was my oyster.. ALL the Quakes needed to do was score 2 lousy points and they could kick the Galaxy to the curb. Ching-y came through and scored the first goal.. but then Landon and Cobi got chippy and we played the game.. and didnt play games.. So, we lost.. well we tied (which ironically held our unbeaten streak at home alive).. but we got eliminated from the playoffs.. The season is over. Brian is most likely back in Hawaaii.. Hopefully they will be back next year. (heavy sigh)

Thoughts about the season

This is Valerie..

I H-A-T-E Valerie..

I had to sneak taking her picture.. because I ignore her and refuse to acknowledge her existence. Victor enjoys talking to her just to piss me off..

It works.

She is what I do not want to become. A scary old lady running after HOT soccer players.
She occupies the seat next to me at all eartquakes games. She use ta bring her freakishly skinny husband.. but now she brings these scary dirty chicks with her. She just annoys me. She talks about the players like they are long lost buds.. And she has this huge telephoto camera .. I have heard her bragthat she takes like 600 pictures at every game.. WHY????
It is kinda funny when she does try and get the attention of one of the players .. they literally run in the other direction...

I am sad that the season was prematurely cut short.. (primarily due to the MO FO Landon .. who called me an idiot?!?!?!) but I AM SO HAPPY that I am done with seeing the evil Val..

SPEAKING OF HIGHSCHOOL...

So, as I was looking at the photo of the HOT HOT HOT Rick... I found my senior photo.. WHat in the heck did I mean by that by line... I wasn't on drugs, really!!!

Here goes the translation..
Long live the Hoover Club.. (Inside joke about a girl who use to sit at PEP rallys with her legs WIDE open and guys would fall into the hole.. kinda get sucked in??? WASSUP Hannah??)
gibbon and scallop were the nicknames of my two best friends.. Tania and Hoey...
Mr london the white courtesy phone.. no idea what this means...
Finally somebody understands me somebody gave his heart to me I stumbled my whole life.. these are lyrics from a song.. meant this to be about Felix.. my twenty something boyfriend at the time.. (thanks mom for letting that happen .. wink wink) and then I signed it, my nick name.. Barny.. (will explain nickname another time) (and no I wasnt into the color purple)..

Highschool love....

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT MY FRIEND TANIA AND I WERE GOING TO OUR HIGHSCHOOL REUNION.. I WAS EXCITED TO SEE RICK SILVESTRI .. I LOVED RICK HE WAS IN A BAND AND JUST COOL. WE SHARED A MATH CLASS AND I PLAYED DUMB SO HE COULD HELP ME FIGURE THINGS OUT. ANYWAYS, AT THE REUINION I LOST MY SHOES FOR SOME REASON .. THEY WERE THE COOL UGGS .. NOT THE OVERPLAYED PINK ONES.. ALL OF THE SUDDEN, AMIDST THE MISSING SHOES I SAW RICK AND I GOT ALL HAPPY.. HE WAS WEARING A SHARKS JERSEY FOR SOME REASON... AND I SAID, YOU KNOW RICK.. I WAS SO INTO YOU.. AND HE SAID HE ALWAYS HELD A SPECIAL PLACE IN HIS HEART FOR ME.. REALLY CURIOUS, BECAUSE I NEVER REALLY PROFESSED MY LOVE TO RICK.. BUT I WAS SOOOO HOT FOR HIM.. I MEAN TOTAL CRUSHVILLE.. I WAS 16.. WHAT DO YOU WANT?? WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? PLEASE TELL ME ... COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE THINKING ABOUT RICK.. (SIGH)

She does windows,too!

I am always trying to extend the olive leaf you to OLD Mother Alves, you know. I am a good person. :) (Really I am!) So, I offered the MIL a dollar a shirt if she would iron my work shirts..
(I hate to iron.. and she would have a little spending money)
She declined because she had terribly painful arthritic shoulders or something...SO, I was like poor thing.. So I went and bought a steamer.. and offered to do what I could..
Then ..Just today I saw the MO FO MIL up a tree.. literally!!! She was pruining trees out in the yard!!! WITH A SAW!

Wait, what was that?

As you may or may not have noticed, the Mooster has sold out and taken to allowing advertising on the chronicles. There was a promise made that the advertising would be geared toward you, dear reader.. Giving you links to a wealth of interesting topics...I guess the big computers at goooooooogle scan my daily entries and try and match my blog with there advertisers..
I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D today to see one of the ads that was in my blogs rotation.
I believe the copy was .. "Are you plagued with the smell of Urine?" .. wait, what? I wrote the entries and I am pretty sure that I would remember mentioning that I was plagued with the stench of urine .. (Does Paris Hilton's perfume smell that bad??) I will give you .. that on particularly hot days .. and with just the right pair of Star Jones mules on.. my feet can drive grown men to tears.. but I DON'T STINK OF URINE OR ANY SUCH THING!
I believe it is time to email that google guy and ask him what the deal is.. Is he trying to imply that just because I had an "incident" with a Starbucks toilet ..I have issues with my funkiness? agh!

Oh, its on now beyotch.

Vic and MIL circa 1970

So, I put up with a whole lot. My mother in law has basically decided, as I have told you before dear reader, that I am not good enough for her only son. She has taken it upon herself to step in where I have fallen short (In her opinion, mind you). She cleans.. She cooks.. (this of course is a judgment call.. I believe there isn't much cooking when it comes to fish sticks.. but I digress...) she monitors my coming and goings.. and generally rules the roost.. The Alves fortress (aka prison) .. On Saturday, I happen to be out in the garage.. (no cars actually occupy this building but the people from the city had to make this distinction to old mother alves so she doesn't rent it out to some poor shlub ) As I was saying, I was in the "garage" doing the wash.. well, my wash.. because Victor claims I don't do it correctly.. (Although I spied on his black shirt a mess of powdery residue after Queen mom did his wash.. HAA HAA!) after I changed the wet clothes into that big spinny machine that dries the wet ones.. MIL came at me and asked if she could ask me a question.. I said sure, I was in a particularly good mood as it was soccer Saturday.. she led me to the garbage can and pointed inside .. and asked in her broken English..."you .. put.. inside?" I peered down into the can and saw what appeared to be doggie poo.. I said, no.. (first I get yelled at for not picking shit up in a timely manner.. now she is yelling at me for picking it up.. can i win with this woman??) In my defense, the doggies go #2 way on the other side of the yard.. not by this particular can.. If I dont flush the "poo" down la toilet' .. then it goes in the can next to the side of the house that the "poo" is near.. I am not trotting around the yard with "poo" in my hand looking for a place to stash the "poo" ...(Although if I knew how much it annoyed her I would have) After I said, no... She looked at me with her creepy eyes.. one eyebrow POINTED UPWARDS.. and said.."WELL, IT GOT THERE SOMEHOW.."I was boiling, this beyotch was accusing me of lying to her.. I looked right at her and said.. "OK.. I didnt put the "poo" in the can.. but isn't that the place it is suppose to go?" and walked away.. I went into Victor.. and explained what had happened.. he of course took his mothers side.. and my soccer Saturday was ruined.. (Of course the boys in blue kicked Galaxies arse...3-1 but still!!!)

I HATE MY MIL!

You can turn Vic against me, but don't be calling me a liar and expect to get away with it.. I ain't one of your spineless kids who take your word as gospel.. You met your match lady! Its on!

emasculating pepper

In case you don't venture to my other sites.. (pepper's page and Chino's page).. I must share with you, dear reader.. the horrors of being left alone with our maid...(aka Victor's mother)
She is an immigrant from Portugal and has not had an opportunity to learn the language. You would think 40 years in the states would lend itself to a phrase or two, but who am I to judge?
As a non-english speaking person, she is hard pressed to find things to occupy her time.. Cooking, cleaning and wiping Victor's ass doesn't consume her entire day... so, she has started to violate the sanctity of Pitt Bull-dom. Being a Pit Bull usually means something. The mere mention of the breed often shocks some into silence. Victor's mother has taken to dressing up OUR Pit bull as a friend from the old country.. I must find this woman a friend ... a hobby.. SOMETHING! Pepper needs to be saved.. !!

Choke is a big boy now

Even though this appears to be a happy collection of chicken memorabilia, I must share its darker side. In actuality, this collection was started because of little choke. When I first moved into the Almeida estate, Mr. Almeida (God rest his soul) had a chicken. The sweet little thing would follow him around and was his companion. When Mr Almeida passed away, I took ownership of the chicken.. and christened him (her) Choke. Choke the Chicken.. At this time, we only had Chino .. and nothing delighted Chino more then to chase choke around the yard. Some believe that chickens can't fly.. I can tell you that on several occasions little choke was air born. (heavy sigh)
As the months went by, Victor started cleaning up the yard.. and eventually Choke's shed got torn down and was replaced by a smaller version. OK, it was a dog igloo, but Choke didn't know. He was under the impression we fell on hard times and had to downsize.
I think it was just all too much for Choke... Because he ran away. I can just picture him with a little sack tied to a stick, flung over his shoulder... Figuring it was time to hit the road.. The neighbors had a big chicken BBQ to try and cheer me up.. I didn't have the heart to go.
Instead, I set up this little memorial..for my poor choke.. He is on his own now.

Hot lil minx...

OK. So, in my office.. I often hear about being a sistah girl. I so want to be a sistah girl.. I have rhythm..!!!! I have style.. I have junk in my trunk!!!
I was able to infultrate the club thanks to my darling friend Tonya.. She has presented me with an honorary membership !!! Go Meghan .. Its your birthday!!! She is way cute and I totally think she wants me, but I will get into that another day. Sometimes she wears the cutest lil outfits.. Her hair is way kewl.. It does way kewl stuff, unlike my stick straight mess. Hmm.
Mental note...... Ask Tonya to go clubbin. She does the Beyonce scary good and can score us free drinks.

It is hard being me.......

Don’t be mad. Or jealous.
But I think I might have powers. Like Superman.
Today, during the first ½ of the Earthquakes game, well.. To say it bluntly.. They were sucking big time. They were playing really sloppy.
During ½ time, I decided to put on my Brian Ching Practice Jersey to
Bring the team good luck. I put the Jersey on.. The jersey that the BIG KAHUNA wore himself.. I stroked the shirt And said ..”come on baby.. you can do it..” and I swear.. As God as my witness.. Brian Ching scored!! (dang I am good) They went on to win 2-0.. No worries, I have put the Jersey in a safe place.. For the next time they need me.. I promise to use my powers only for good.. Hmm. I wonder how you become a member of the justice league.. I could totally car pool with the wonder twins..

How was I the proud owner of an Actual Brian Ching practice Jersey, you ask?
Well, have a seat and let me Tell you the story. At the beginning of the season,
rumors were swirling about The Quakes moving to Houston. (In actuality, they might still be moving.. most likely not to Houston thanks to Katrina and Rita, but somewhere other then here) The news really had me on pins and needles. The uncertainty of it all was (is)
Very stressful… A few days after hearing this news, I happen to get a letter from Alexi Lalas..
Alexi Lalas WAS the GM for the Quakes (he has moved on to the NY/NJ Metrostars) The letter basically wanted to thank me for my continued support of the team.. OK, it was a
Form letter.. But I took it personal. I was pissed. Don’t patronize me!!!
Being the computer whiz that I am.. I figured Alexi’s email address Was PROBABLY his name .. So, I fired off an email blasting his half hearted letter. No way was It going to smooth my ruffled feathers. I didn’t appreciate his meaningless letter. If my support was so appreciated, why weren’t they staying?? Anyways, this email generated a response from Alexi.. Apologies and the like.. I, of course responded.. And it turned into ..”I will forgive you if you give me a Brian Ching Jersey..” well, Alexi invited me into the GM box for a Game, we continued our email correspondence for several months, and ultimately he sent me the coveted jersey..
If you learn nothing else from me, dear reader, know that ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!

babies.. I don't need no stinkin babies

Pepper-lina silly billy Almeida

Venti Cappuchino Doe

You know, I understand the beauty of making babies.. and the true awesome thing creating and growing a new human being inside your innards (ew.. ALIENS!).. But, honestly.. right this very second.. I am content.. content loving MY BABIES. so, they didn't come out of my wazoo.. I mean seriously.. If you aren't a dog person YOU WON'T.. & really are incapable of understanding .. I LOVE these dogs.. they are my babies.. and I thank the good lord for blessing me with them. As my crazy friend, Drea says.."I am Blessed.."

The return of da moose

Ice cream is good. This man, the Shwanny man.. brings it to me.. Delivers it to me.. It is amazing.. I mean it is carb friendly ice cream... and the best part it tastes like it is chalk full of carbs.. De-damn-liscious ice cream.. and the shwanny man is a cutey patootey.. even if he scams me on the price of the ice cream.. one week its $4- .. and the next its $6. I think he is trying to get me hooked.. and then when I HAVE to have it, he raises the price. He is a modern day drug dealer.. He deals Butter Pecan.. That sounds kinda stoop. It should have a cool name.. I am hyped up on the Buttcan... Hmmm.
I think I might need to schedule one of those A&E interventions.. Hi, I am Meghan and I am hyped up on the Buttcan.. hmm.. Speaking of being messed up.. doesn't my head look HUGE? I mean he is a petite lil flower and all, but I look like, er .. a.. dare I say MOOSE? (heavy sigh) I think I am destined to remain a moose forever.. even if they sucked 3.5 pepsi jugs out of each thigh...woe is me.. the cross I bear.

These are them..

I can't exactly ever really use them. They betrayed me. If they had any loyalty, they would have fell on the nasty ass floor.. or got locked in the car.. but, no.. I mean I have to consider that they went through a load of shit (literally) to find there way back to me.. But, come on. The mere fact that they were in a Starbucks crapper for well over 24 hours is kinda creepy. (crappy?) The grooves were filled with goop.. and I had to wonder was the goop there prior to the attempted escape? I had to borrow a pair of Vic's chicken eatin gloves to extract them from this glorious 'bucks bag .. I carefully removed them from the ring.. and then bathed them in Clorox.. Of course the Gods looked down on me and chuckled.. as I plunked the keys in a splash came up and hit my Jet shirt.. DAMN.. The one good thing.. out of this whole friggen thing?? The car entry thing.. the thing good 'ol Paul was going to charge me $147 to replace... still works!! Honda Rocks.. Love me some Honda!

um.. hello?

So, I was sitting here watching a rather memorable Seinfeld .. Waiting for the new Chris Rock show to come on.. (I am a slave to T.V., you know.. ) and my phone rang. The display read..."STARBUCKS"... Oh great! In a split second, I need to decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I need to decide if I should face the humiliation and find out the plumbers findings. As the young chipee introduced herself.. (I think her name was Kelly or Morgan or some stupid thing) she recounted my horrific experience, as if I would forget my ordeal... "Hi, this is "insert stupid name here" .. Um.. well, I am a worker at Stabucks .. the one on Almaden and Curtner. Yesterday you were here and you flushed your keys down the toilet.. well, er.. anyways.. the plumber was here today.. fer sure.. and he got your keys.. so, we are open until 11:00.. can you come by and get them?"
Ok why the urgency? Are they coated in a film of sludge? Are they smellin up the place? I have to wonder, do I really want these keys back? I mean they have been where no man should go.. (except a well paid custodial artist).. Anyways, The Morgan kelly person was waiting for a response.. and I told her I would be by tomorrow.. She mentioned she would put them in the safe.. and the barista on duty (wait, what? The Barista on duty???) could get them out for me.. I think I will have a sleepless night! What if I am expected to pay for this plumber? Should I change my name and move to Mexico? (Damn I knew I should have paid attention is espanol)I fear I will be the target of constant ridicule if I stay here.. "Hey there is key poo girl.." woe is me.. wait, it is 7:55.. gots to go watch the CR show. Peace out! Decision will come soon..

Any thoughts on my new name... Juanita Cruz Muy Bonito ?? Catchey, eh?

Who cares about rewinding... Be kind, FLUSH!

Wednesday game days are always interesting. I cant really head home, because the dogs freak out and I don’t like leaving them once I am home. (there little faces are so sad...) So I leisurely headed to the game from work.. I had PLENTY of time. I stopped at Rotten Robbie and filled up the elephant, got a ceaser salad from JITB and my final stop was Starbucks to get my 4th Café Americano of the day. I found a sweet spot in the front of the lot and proceeded to go inside. The line was kinda long, so I decided to take a pit stop before I ordered. I went inside the ladies room and secured myself into one of the stalls .. As I examined my surroundings, I discovered its previous occupant left a small calling card.. The water in the bowl had a scary yellow tint.. Normally, I would leave and select another stall but I was feeling especially good hearted. I would be a good citizen and deal with the dregs of bathroom society.. the peeps that don’t have good manners.. I WOULD FLUSH! I placed my keys on the back of the tank... flushed the toilet .. and proceeded to remove my pants.. to my horror, the toilet was turbo powered and the tank began to rattle. The movement of the tank caused my keys to lunge forward and they were catapulted into the bowl. I watched in disbelief as my keys went DOWN THE TOILET. It seemed to happen in slow motion.. Kinda like when buck wheat got shot on SNL.. I heard myself say OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOO!
My delicate hand shot into the bowl.. a bowl that has probably seen a million nasty asses.. and I jammed it as far down the pipe as it would go. NO KEYS. I froze.. what was I going to do? How was I going to get to my quakes game?? How was I going to get into the Alves Fortress? I go to the counter and after the guy stops laughing .. he gets the manager who tells me she will call a plumber.. A PLUMBER?? Go get my mo fo keys!!! Damn. Damn. Damn. Well....... needless to say, my brother did come get me.. I was able to convince Ms Alves I did actually live next door and she let me in.. I got the spare key and got to the game on time. Shew.
The Quakes won by the way. I guess I took one for the team. My shitty experience allowed them to win.. Karma, right?

Getting naked for a facial?

On Sunday .. I woke up at an ungodly hour and drove to SF to get a facial with my sister.. Loved the place.. very serene.. tranquil.. but it never occured to me that I would have to get naked for a facial. Did something escape me? FAC-ial .. FACE .. Why do my boobs have to be flappin in the wind.. really now.. My sister claims if you are au natural.. the experience will be more relaxing.. baloney! I don't like to be naked in places other then my designated naked zones.. (Actually, come to think of it, with the surgery that I just had, I have been naked far too many times outside my zone .. MUST regain sanctity of zone and leave clothes on.. mental note made) .. anyways, I went into the place all freaked out.. and I decided I was going to tell the perv facialist that I WOULD not be undressing.. and my facial will be for my FACE.. I was ready !! I walked in, the lady pointed to the "drape" and I said ...m'k.... I FOLDED .. I am a naked chicken baby.. !! To top it all off, I have my wicker sandals on that make my feet real stinkee.. as long as I keep them on, I am kewl.. BUT NO.. Had to take the shoes off.. OK, I am not relaxed at all.. Totally consumed with the idea that Jonie, my tatooed Japanese facialist, can smell da funk of my feet and is speeding up my 75.00 facial to get me out of dodge.. serenity is mine...

Jillian Susanna Kuehnel

Isn't this the cutest baby EVER? And the really creepy part about it, she is still INSIDE my sister.. Soon, I will be an aunt, again.. and I will be all up into this girl.. I already have bought a shit load of stuff for her.. Of course we can't tell Dad (Frank) because he believes all a child really needs is a potato sack and a abicus.. (weird German thing)
Anyways, she seems real now.. not just my sister getting a lil wide around the edges..

Being an LA Galaxy girl

So, I was trolling the net, as I often do.. and I was on the Quakes site .. which unfortunately has a link to the LA Galaxy site.. I happen to click on the hyperlink and I found myself in a maze of craziness. I was looking at the player stats and came across this horrific photo..
This was once my soccer mentor.. the UBER player.. now look at him, look at what the L.A. smog has done to him.. he, dare I say it, looks a little frightening.. Kind of like the type of boy you AVOID.. hmm .. Kinda feel bad for him..
ANYWAYS, so I found out that they are having a little contest to find the new Ms. L.A. Galaxy.. Kind of like a beauty contest for the weird soccer crowd.. any who, I was perusing the application and one of the questions was ... What size babydoll shirt do you wear? Is that now part of the criteria? To wear clothes for little bitty people.. The name alone, "baby-doll" kinda makes you think of a wee girl...And it was multiple choice!! My size wasn't even listed.. I feel a stern letter is in order.. Yet another reason to hate the Galaxy!

Did not disappoint:part 2

Nic: Are you going to be my girl?

Meghan: Yes, Nic. Anything for you. And I do mean anything!

My ONLY complaint about the concert tonight ... Jet opened for Oasis and they only played for an hour.. I love Jet .. they are so hot.. I peed myself a little.

Special note to Nic Cester.. (see photos) .. If you are in need of someone, namely me, to carry your offspring.. I am more then willing to take you, er.. it on.

:)
Peace out.

Did not disappoint: part 1

Evil Chivas fans starting a smoke riot..

Yeah! we scored! (note Chivas player collapsed in background)

Saturday night was the Quakes game .. Every seat in the house seemed to be filled..
The smell of goat on the barbie was in the air... You guessed it...The Quakes fricaseed Chivas 3-NOTHING! .. Woo Hoo. Chivas were eliminated from the playoffs and we are STILL number 1..

Coolest weekend EVER!

(Jet)

I know you will be TOTALLY jealous ..You so want to be me, don't you? (It is ok.. come to terms with it.. I have! To be honest, I rather enjoy it)..

This very weekend I am blessed to not only be going to an Earthquakes game ..

Where the very hot Brian Ching will finally be playing.. where yours truly will be wearing the practice jersey of said player.. (which I may have inadvertantly guilted Alexi Lalas into giving me.. a story for another time) (heavy sigh)

I will also .....

be in attendance of the hottest rock concert EVER! Thanks to a lil friend-o-mine.. (I say friend, you say scalper) .. I have the distinct pleasure of sitting very very close to Mr Nic Cester. Who Is Nic Cester you ask? Well, he is ONLY the lead singer of a little band called JET! You probably know their music... hmmm.. They only have a bunch of awards.. lets see..

Album Of The Year – Jet ‘Get Born’ Single Of The Year – Jet ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ Best Group – Jet ‘Get Born’ Breakthrough Artist Album – Jet ‘Get Born’ Breakthrough Artist Single – Jet ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ Best Rock Album – Jet ‘Get Born’

Are you sensing a pattern?

ANYWAYS, WHERE WAS I?

My darling Nic claims that not too long ago (before they hit it big) him and his bandmates were construction workers down under.. You know driving a HO! Sweet,eh.. makes me all tingley!!!

So I got to thinking, as I often do.. I wanted a little "meet and greet" of my own.. I wanted Mr Cester to construct a few things on my down under.. Drive this ho around about.. So, I got to writing a letter to the peeps at the Shoreline.. I have yet to hear from them..(can you imagine?) So, if someone could pass along this message to Nic, please let him know that he can hit me down under any time his little heart desires.. Eh,mate?.... wink wink ... nudge nudge..

Catch me in section 102 BABY! I will be the cutey giving you the come hither glances.. MEOW!